gag me why don’t you?!

that sick feeling resting right at the top of your throat, right on the back of your tongue, waiting for your brain and your tummy to give it the cue to  - GAG YOU –  at any given moment!!!!!

i’ll look at it like the estrace is working… it’s a good thing…?

but speaking of estrace working.  last night i had only had my pills up the who-ha for a couple of hours. i went pee and when i got up a teal blob was sitting at the bottom of the bowl (i don’t know if this medication expands once inserted but it was about the size of a nickel).  so one pill came out? both? unless it was the pills from the morning?! 

geez.  just stay where you’re put you little bastards!

i don’t have time for an FET!

thank goodness it is summer.  i am so busy with projects and continually making more work for myself that the days just blur together and fly by that does amazing things for my anxiety and sadness while getting ready for more TTC stuff.

i’m already on day 4 and only a week away from my U/S!  :0

i had a nice day off with a friend yesterday and got home to hubs cutting grass and doing yard work. i was inspired!  in my sun dress and fancy flat sandals i started watering, pulling weeds, peek here, poking there.  next thing we knew we’d started to transform the whole front of the house!


this is most recent shot of the front of the house i could find.  it’s from 4.5 years ago when we first bought the house.  the juniper trees at the front window were about 3 times the size as of last night.  i can’t believe i didn’t take a before and after.  i’m the QUEEN of before and afters…

this is the house in the light of day.

2014-07-22 08.16.52

i was thinking a nice, TALL emerald cedar to the right of the door.  the house needs height in front of it.  now seeing it like this! i just love the openness. it finally feels balanced.  i am thinking just a bunch of snowball hydrangeas or hostas under the window and call it a day!

oh man, if only all this would take one day hahaha.

i’ve got the little rototiller my MIL uses for her veggie garden rows hahaha. i’m going to look like a “woman” outside using that scrawny little thing on the front lawn but heck, gotta give it a whirl!

digging out some root balls, chopping up some dirt, picking out rocks, cutting down shrubs.  i better get off this computer and get to work!

have a great day everyone.


pills and provincial parks

i received my FET protocol today.

i was in the middle of the woods beside a beautiful lake talking to a woman 3 hours away about when to put pills in my mouth and when to put them… well… somewhere else.

the epitome of rest and relaxation hahaha.

i’ll be on what my dr. calls the FET “D” protocol.  i don’t really know why it’s called “D” and why i’m it and not the “A” protocol but i really don’t care.

today is day 2 for me.  we got home from camping and i immediately took my estrace pills orally.  i know i said i was taking them with me but surprise, surprise i forgot them on the kitchen counter. the nurse said it was okay for today to take them ASAP and then again before bed but to space them out a.m. / p.m. from now on.  she seemed a little annoyed that i hadn’t taken them already but i was just getting her call with instructions on what to do so what did she expect…?

i have to start diligently taking my prenatal vitamins and folic acid pills and i also have to add in a 81 mg aspirin.

so that’s it until day 10. one baby aspirin, two prenatal vitamins, a folic acid pill and 4 estrace pills a day.

on day 11 (july 29th) i go in for an ultrasound. i give them our consent form for the FET and $1,500.  if everything is good i will add progesterone into the mix that day or the next and 6 days later we have our FET (august 4/5).


the only thing i thought was strange was that the nurse said that they have started having your actual dr. do the transfer.  usually you just get whoever is there that day.  then she said because the 4th is the monday of a holiday weekend we’d probably be bumped back a day to the 5th.  i get my doctor is the director of the clinic and working on long weekends is probably not her thing but i should be getting my FET on the most optimal day for my body, not on the most convenient day for my dr.  i’m definitely going to bring this issue up on the 29th.

oh and one more interesting thing.  we never received an invoice for the freezing of our embryos this cycle. with my OHSS episode we didn’t do a fresh transfer and they were all frozen and this is a cost of $650.  we hadn’t heard a thing about the payment though.  today the nurse said we had to have our money for the FET in at my appointment on the 29th.  i asked her if we were going to be charged the full amount because a transfer procedure was part of our last cycle that is covered by OHIP but i didn’t get to do it.  she looked into this and called us back and told us when a patient is forced to cancel a fresh transfer due to OHSS they freeze the embryos free of charge but then you have to pay for the FET. okay.  sounds good to us.

the best facebook thread

 this is the picture i posted on FB and said, “front lawns are totally overrated”.

2014-07-18 17.54.44

        my SIL starts of the questions

        A - What happened? What are you guys planning?

  • 12 hrs · Like
    i’m in a funny mood so i reply with this
  • S - i don’t know this guys with a loader just started ripping up our front lawn. he got the wrong house!
    11 hrs · Edited · Like · 1
  • B - WHAT?? Seriously Sham? that is mental!
    11 hrs · Like · 1
    L –  Holy shit! It’s on the moose news. It wasn’t just you guys. Like 5 houses in Innisfil had their yards ripped up.
    10 hrs · Unlike  1
    my friend is clearly onto to this prank – she is building it up to make seem more real.  GOD I LOVE HER. so quick on the draw every time!
  •  B -  Sum body’s gittin’ sueeed!
  • M -  Oh my gawd!!!! This is terrible and hilarious at the same time!!! I’m sorry but I’m totally laughing my ass off!!!
    9 hrs · Like
  • S -  SUCKERS! !! holy shit I’m old man crying laughing at this thread. Our neighbor ripped it up for me. took out the gardens, tilling the ground, topsoiling and laying sod. may add a new tree  oh man. that was a good one.
    7 hrs · Like
  • B -  What’s fucked is that you told me you were doing this but I just assumed I must have made that up… You stupid bitch. Hahaha!
    7 hrs · Unlike · 1

a day early

well actually it’s about 5-8 days late but I’m a glass half full kinda gal (these days) so celebrate the good right? !

we’re leaving for camping up at oastler this morning so having aunt flo come with us isn’t ideal but hey,  it’s one day closer :) 

I’ll call in my day 1 before we leave and take my estrace pills with me just in case. all i remember at this stage from my last FET is that i get to take this medication orally until my period is finished  yyyaaayyy!

if i wasn’t TUBELESS i’d swear…

i honestly feel like i’m pregnant.  everything is like when i’m pregnant.  i feel pretty, i am sleeping like the dead, i don’t want to kill my husband, i have tonnes of energy and drive to accomplish tasks, i’m not pms-y, my cervix is high, my temp is through the roof, i’m not having negative thoughts, my sex drive is high, my breasts are full and tender….

but i am TUBELESS so this is impossible.

it’s still a great feeling though.  i feel like my body is working. it’s healthy. it’s strong. it knows what to do. it’s ready to carry a baby.

i’m ready for AF.

it’s go time!


i’ve seen a lot of women have pages for their TTC timeline.  “my crazy beautiful life” created an awesome bar graph type timeline in excel and it inspired me to finally go through my own TTC timeline.

this was something that i had been dreading doing. not only because it’s a bit of a daunting task trying to think back and remembering all the dates and procedures but also because it’s a sad thing to have a timeline start in august 2010.

then you start remembering being at the dinner table the day after you got married and the moment you both said “yes” were ready to try and now you’re thinking that your 4th wedding anniversary is coming up in just over a month.

i did try to find a tutorial to create a nice clean timeline in excel but i kept getting messed up in one part and said eff it.  i’ll do it the old fashion way. hahaha

so in my pages you can now find my TTC timeline :)

my body does work and it’s a damn shame

it’s kind of a sad reminder that, in terms of fertility, my body does work.  

no question i ovulated this month.  with lots of EWM, painful ovaries and now my breasts are full and tender.

it’s kind of a hard pill to swallow when you’re body does actually work but you’re still doing IVF to have a baby.  

speaking of pills. i counted my estrace (2mg) pills this morning and i have enough for 11 days. that’s a good start.  i’ll need another prescription to get me through to the FET but i have benefits now so it’s nice that i’ll be able to save some money on the pills once again.

speaking of money, this new rental property is about to throw me over the edge! (i am being very dramatic here but i’m about to get my period and god damn it, i’m feeling very dramatic haha). my husband had told me we were getting an increase on our line of credit that would cover the down payment.  well we weren’t approved for quite as much as he thought, then i got laid off for the summer and we didn’t get any increase at all! so the new plan is max out the line we have right now, take cash advances out on all of our credit cards and possibly cash in on both of our life insurance policies….  he’s not concerned and that’s a really good sign but it was just supposed to more simple than this.

speaking of simple.  i am happy that with an FET things are much simpler.  i’ll call with my day one (hopefully this weekend) and i’ll be instructed to start my pills orally and then vaginally once my period is done and then one ultrasound somewhere in there, maybe a blood draw and a pap-like appointment and voila!  we may have a baby… or babies… i finally settled on transferring 2 embryos.