I’m so sneaky

my co-worker brought a wagjag deal for UC Baby to my attention last week.  since then i have been going back on forth with “do i do it? do i wait?”  i mentioned it to a few friends and they all said without any hesitation, “you HAVE to do it!”.

the deal was for a 15 minute session with one printed 4X6.  this package is normally on for $129 and it was on sale through wagjag for $59.

so, without my husband knowing, i went and did it today.  i have to admit was kind of strange being there by myself and the technician admitted that she had never had anyone come without their husband knowing before.  i just laughed.  i don’t feel bad or guilty about it one bit!  i know my husband. he is cheap and he is stubborn.  he can also wait with patience LOL. he’s the kind of guy that could have his birthday present just sitting in a bag on the counter for weeks and he would never peek. i knew that he would absolutely want to wait until she is born to meet and see her so i didn’t even bother mentioning any of this to him.

i have had a pretty rough pregnancy.  the month of february was just absolute hell to get through.  i may not have this experience again and so for me, this was a fun part of the pregnancy process that could enjoy and use to strengthen my bond with my baby girl.  yes, i am 6 weeks away from giving birth but this is just the boost i needed to see me through the home stretch.

i got to watch my baby girl for 15 minutes and chose a very clear picture to print.  and OF COURSE i ended up paying the extra $20 for a cd of all the images and a video clip hahaha.

the technician had a bit of time trying to get a face shot at first.  baby girl had her face all smooshed up against my placenta hahaha.  in some of the pictures her nose looks a bit flattened and i think it’s because it’s pressed up against it.

she ended up with some great shots by the end and oh my goodness does baby girl ever look like her daddy! (although i am told she has some hair like her mommy 🙂 )

chris                                  me

                                                                      a little smile

                                                                               pointing

                                               pouty lip

                                                                              sucking

my sweet baby girl. i can’t wait to see you in person

xox

4 pounder

we had an U/S today to re-check the placenta and umbilical cord function and to see how baby girl is thriving.

i am 32 weeks 1 day and everything looks like it’s right on track 🙂

so far as the technician could tell from her measurements i’ve cooked her to 4 pounds so far.  4 pounds!  holy cow.

she said she’s in the 27th percentile overall.

according to the chart on babycenter she’s measuring just a little ahead of average.

32 weeks

16.69 inches

3.75 pounds

42.4 cm

1702 grams

if she continues to grow at the average rate of 1/2 a pound a week from here on out then we could be meeting an 8 pound baby girl in 7 weeks.  i was definitely hoping for a bit smaller haha.  i was 5 lbs. 9 oz.  Chris was over 9 lbs however, so as long as she less than THAT i guess i’ll be okay LOL

it was so cool to get to see her today.  she was sucking away and opening and closing her mouth.  in the photo above she is mid pucker haha.  the tech was able to confirm that she is head down.  her face is towards my right hip.  her back is coming up along my left side with her bum under my left rib cage.  her feet are crossed and tucked to my right side under my right ribs and her arms are crossed all snug up under her chin.  this explains the hip bone tickles i’ve been getting.  i knew it had to be a little hand 🙂

i have been really relaxed about her growth since my first ultrasound to check the placenta function around 23 weeks. everything was fine then and i just felt really good about it staying that way.  today i had no worries or anxieties.  she is growing so well and doing all the things she needs to do to get ready for the life on the “outside”.

i know that she has so much more developing to do in terms of laying down more fat, getting full function in her lungs and advancing her brain development over the next 7 weeks but knowing she has substantial weight to her (and will only get bigger) makes me that much more confident about her ability to survive and thrive if she were to arrive before these 7 weeks are up.

christmas wish come true

i had my umbilical cord and placenta u/s today.

other than having to wait almost an hour past my appointment time with a VERY FULL bladder it was wonderful.  i could almost say it was a wish come true (wait, i did already say that).

i got the best ultrasound tech that i’ve ever had at the hospital.  she was so friendly and we chatted the whole time.  the best part was she checked my cervix quick, quick and then let me go pee! hahaha.

she went on with the rest of the ultrasound and told me not to worry about an eccentric placenta.  lots of women have it and in majority of the cases there are no complications because of it.  my placenta is all on the right side and everything looked good.  it was a pretty long ultrasound.  she checked everything, including baby, which i didn’t know she would have to do.  she mentioned that i’d been through a lot.  she must have read a chart or background on me.  i never bring up my past struggle for this baby.  it’s not why i’m there and it’s part of my past now, it’s not in my prerogative to keep the struggle alive.  she, however, brought it up and we chatted a bit about what it took to get us here.  she couldn’t believe my story and just kept saying “wow”.  she told me “you are the best mom”.  i responded with, “we’ll see and i hope to be!” and just said, “no, you are the best mom.  you’ve already done so much for this baby and you clearly love so deeply.”

she asked where i had my anatomy scan done and i happened to mention that the lady that did was not the most friendly. my tech was so upset and asked me questions to deduce who it was that did my scan (i couldn’t remember her name).  she couldn’t believe how i was treated.  apparently they are supposed to hook the ultrasound machine up to a t.v so we can see everything and “meet our baby”.  i told her it was okay, we did get to see her and got great photos but she was still soooooo upset.

at the end of my scan she asked if my husband was at work.  at first it worried me because i just instantly thought, “am i getting bad news? do i need him for support?”.  fuck.  i’m a bit damaged eh?!  then i realized it was because she was going to show me the baby.

i really thought that i would not get to see her and it was so special that i did.  i cried a bit while she showed me.  i think i was just so taken aback that i actually got to see her and i was touched that this woman understood what it it means to me to see my baby.  even she got teared up.  hahaha.

the technician showed me her heart and kept it there to clearly see all the chambers and watch it beat. she told me her heart rate,138, and let me know she is measuring exactly at 21 weeks, 5 days. she showed me her stomach and bladder. she confirmed that she is definitely a SHE haha.  she showed me me her legs and feet and her head and she kept trying to get me a good profile shot but babe was facing an odd way.  she could get a good head on view so she showed me her eyes and cheeks (as best as you can see those at this point) and her nose and lips (so adorable!) i can’t wait to kiss them xoxo.  this baby was quite the contortionist today!  she was bent at the waist, with her legs stretched straight out and her feet were above her head!  so she was positioned with her bum at my cervix, her back going up my left side and her head was at my ribs with her legs stretched straight up my right side. completely bent in half! LOL

what a wonderful treat i got today 🙂

mother’s intuition

the heart rate is low

my pee made the baking soda fizzle (haha)

the ring rocked back and forth

the skull looked “blockish”

i’m carrying low

i craved sour flavours

my heart says it’s a BOY

the ultrasound tech says:

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! WHAT?! so much for a “mother’s intuition!”

i was in complete shock!  how can this be?  i KNOW it’s a boy! LOL  oh my goodness, a little baby girl, we couldn’t be happier!  xox

the technician was ALL BUSINESS.  no smiles.  no small talk.  no how are you feeling? is this your first?  i knew it was an in depth exam with lots to see and check but come on lady…. have a little bit of heart.

normally this silence would have worried me big time but today i was good.  i laid back and listened to all the beeping and clicking and in the end she said the CD was burning and she’d go get chris.  then the only moment i was really waiting for, we got to see our peanut. or i guess now i can say, our baby girl!

so sweet.  so perfect.  little heart beating, bladder full hahaha legs crossed and arms waving.

i was happy before but today i’m in love.

 

another sigh of relief

well the ultrasound today has come and gone and we’re back to breathing a little easier. phew!

the technician was a self proclaimed “rule follower” so she really didn’t delve into any specifics but she did tell me that she is very thorough, takes lots of measurements and pics and takes her time. i was very happy she told me that because long appointments equal bad news and it helped me relax knowing that that was her style. so i know i got everything checked out super well.  she started with my uterus.  at one point she asked me if i have history of fibroids?  i told her no.  this didn’t really worry me too much because i’ve had techs ask stuff like that in the past and then i don’t have anything that they asked about… (so why do they ask?)…

then she moved on to checking the baby.  she said she was going to remeasure some things and add in a few new ones as baby is now big enough.  so she did the head, belly, femur, arms, heart rate and a couple of other things but i can’t remember now.

then she moved to my ovaries.  all she told me is they are in the right place hahaha

she talked a lot while she checked. i found this reassuring as it has been my experience that when something is wrong or troublesome, the tech does not talk.  she told me about some great cookbooks by Sick Kids Hospital that she just loves and when “baby is here with us and ready to eat I should get them”.  not really something that someone would say if things didn’t seem good i think… right?

she told me that some doctors overreact nowadays as they’ve kind of swung from one end of the spectrum to the other. right now the common theme is “over check, just to be sure”.  which i can totally appreciate but as an IVFer this triggers big time anxiety.  she told me next time i go to see the dr. to empty my bladder fully before and even during the appointment and try for a poop beforehand (hahaha) as all these things can change the height, shape and size of the uterus.  then i asked if she’d just be my dr.?! bahaha.

at the end she went out and got chris and we got to see our baby again.  just 4 weeks older but so much bigger than last time and looking much more like a babe.  we saw the spine, ribs, arm and hand bones and little feet.  it looked like babe was snoozing as the movement was limited to a bit of head nodding and some little arms crossing in front of the heart.  heartbeat was awesome. it’s my favourite part.  i just love seeing that little flicker more than anything in the world.  140 bpm.  xox

so now we wait for our appointment on the 5th with the OB to go over everything.  we know that nothing is certain and we don’t know everything that was recorded today but seeing our baby, seeing it’s heart beating and everything looking snug as a bug in there, we are rejuvenated until our next appointment.

baby mac

another sigh of relief for mom and dad today 🙂

we got the same tech as last time and again she didn’t disappoint in the “sharing” department.

little bubs is measuring right on track.  we saw the heart beating but didn’t hear it and i totally forgot to ask what the heart rate was! dumby.

we got some video but i don’t know how to upload it into a post.  if you know how, please share!

measurements were in the proper range and from an online calculator, (based on just this ultrasound not including the additional bloodwork), our odds of DS are 1 in 4000.  (i wasn’t too concerned but hubby researched it and i’m just taking in the info haha).

in the video you can see the baby’s little legs kicking away and just a little bit of a arm movement.  i couldn’t stop giggling and smiling.  it’s definitely going to be me my “best moment” on this weeks pregnancy survey 🙂  i hope i can figure out how to get it posted.

real fear

feeling a little blah today.  just need to release a little…

i don’t feel real fear.  

i don’t like heights so being on a ladder helping my husband work on the roof last week was a bit panic inducing but i’m talking about REAL fear, the kind that leaves your limbs numb and tingling and you paralyzed in your tracks.

with my ultrasound now officially scheduled for next wednesday i am starting to have moments of REAL fear sweep over me. 

i have never had a good pregnancy ultrasound.  they have always ended in devastating, heart crushing sadness.  the feeling that puts me in a trance, unable to understand how my legs are still holding me up, or how my lungs could possibly still be taking in air.  One moment i’m in a dark, warm, buzzing room then i blink and the nurse is telling me “i’m so sorry…”.

this should be an exciting time. something i look forward to but for once in all the years i’ve been enduring this never ending “waiting game” i just want to wait a little longer so i can keep being blissfully ignorant that everything is okay.

to make matters a bit worse (ya, it’s possible to get a bit worse), i have to have the ultrasound done at an independent clinic so i won’t get to see anything or get any news!  i have to lie there, looking at the blank face of the technician, get up and leave with no report.

will that actually make it easier?  maybe?!

i just hate thinking that everything could finally be good and i won’t even get to see or hear our little miracle…?

 

 

“The Egg is in the Nest” ;)

that little white speck is our “beautiful blast” as the embryologist and dr. would say hahaha

procedure took about 10 minutes. i was very emotional but was able to keep it together pretty well hahaha
now we wait and see and pray and hope and dream and ….