the baby that wouldn’t sleep, then slept, then didn’t sleep, sleeps again!

baby sleep patterns are a real son of a bitch!

we are weak and she is mighty and i actually legit thought i was going to die this past weekend.

maeve has never slept well.  always needing boobies or co-sleeping with dada to make it through the night. we gave her these things because we can’t make it through the night (or day) if we don’t sleep.

this vicious cycle has gone on for months and with our frozen embryo transfer set for next month i reached the END END END of my lack of sleep rope.

this past weekend we camped in the boler and i got a total of 8 hours of sleep over two nights.

i told my husband straight up, i’m aborting the mission. no baby #2.

i can not be pregnant if our current baby doesn’t sleep through the night. i won’t survive.

that night he started “cry it out” once again.

maeve had had one nap that day from 12-3;30.  her first time having only one nap and the longest nap she’s taken in months. the longest she ever naps for is 2 hours at a time.  we decided this was our chance and we went with it.

she went down at 8:15, 1 and half hours earlier than her normal bedtim. she cried for 15 minutes and fell asleep on her own from being wide awake.  chris went in at 3 mins, 5 mins and then was going to go in at the 10 minute mark but she fell asleep.  last time we did this sleep training thing, her first night she cried for 2 hours 20 minutes.   she woke up at 2:30 a.m. and cried for an hour.  chris went in every 10 minutes. at the one hour mark chris decided to rub her chest and help her fall back asleep and she fell asleep instantly.  she woke up at 7:30 a.m. chris got her from the nursery and she had a huge smile on her face, dancing in his arms when they came into our bedroom. she saw me and exclaimed “MOMMY. BOOBIES”  LOLOLOLOL

last night bedtime was 7:30 and it took longer with about 30 minutes of crying, going in every 12 minutes, but she fell asleep on her own once again.  she was up at 11 p.m. this time. she started to cry and her voice was so hoarse that it just broke our hearts so chris went in after a few minutes. he rubbed her chest and back to sleep she went, instantly. she cried out a few times in the night. each time chris set his alarm for 5 minutes but each time she went back to sleep within minutes. again, she was up at  7:30 a.m. with a huge smile, giving kisses and high 5s and asking for BOOBIES.

tonight she went down at 7:15 and cried for about 1o minutes at bedtime.  she woke up half an hour later and cried. i timed 10 minutes but she fell back alseep before chris got to go up.

it’s currently 10:20 p.m., we’re watching the Martian, and we’re hoping for another fairly smooth night.

i can say that with just two nights of fairly uninterrupted sleep, i already feel like a new person. and although i SWORE better sleep couldn’t make maeve a happier baby, even though all the sleep training experts told me it would, she IS happier.



thyroid – moving forward

i had an appointment with my family doctor and chatted with my fertility clinic nurse yesterday.

as far as pregnancy is concerned, my fertility doctor said my blood results do not hinder my frozen embryo transfer next month. she likes to see a TSH of no higher than 2.5 in pregnancy. i am currently at 2.28.  if i become pregnant they test the TSH on the second beta and if it is higher than 2.5 then then i will take thyroid medication during my pregnancy.

my family doctor definitely wanted to investigating the high Thyroperoxidase Antibody result of 310 (which should not be greater than 35), i had blood drawn today for the T3 free and T4 free tests.  i am having a thyroid scan done.  i missed the receptionist’s phone call about that today. i am hoping it will be soon.

i still don’t really understand what the 310 in my Thyroperoxidase Antibody test means. the nurse told me when that number is high is just means it’s a precursor to having a thyroid problem later in life.

so, all the tests.

hey, it’s just in keeping with everything else i’ve been through😉

i think it’s a green light?

i talked to the nurse about my thyroid blood test results and she said my TSH is fine at 2.28 as they like to see it less than 2.5.  the other test she said she’d pass along to my doctor as it cam back high. that was last week and i haven’t heard anything from anyone so i will assume “no news is good news”.

i had my sonohysterograph done on tuesday morning.  the doctor and technician said my c-section scar looked like it had healed very well and it was nice and thick.  they said that my uterus was “a model uterus” and “beautiful” and it reminded of my first transfer when the doctor told me i could be a “uterus model”.  strange, but also weirdly satisfying at the time LOL.  i left with them telling me “the penthouse suite is perfectly set up for an occupant” which i thought was super cute.

so now i just wait for august and my DAY 1


thyroid function

now at lifelabs you can get your results online.

i happened to check it today and so far the results of the thyroid tests are the only ones available to view right now.

i am a little concerned and have a while to wait to hear from doctor about what it means. wondering if anyone can give a little insight on what this result may mean.

Thyroid Function
Thyroid Stimulating Hormone [TSH]
0.30 – 4.00
Thyroperoxidase Antibody
< 35
Anti-Thyroid peroxidase antibody values up to
250 kIU/L may be seen in 5-10% of the normal
population without demonstrable thyroid disease.
This incidence increases with age.


omg, the medium was right

i totally got chills during my first appointment back at our fertility clinic this afternoon and it’s because THE MEDIUM WAS RIGHT!

i had totally forgotten about this little (seemingly incorrect) prediction, until my doctor started to tell me about the “A Protocol” i’d be using this time for our frozen embryo transfer.

i am still nursing maeve so instead of using estrace (estrogen) to thicken my lining, i will be monitored during my own natural cycle to time the transfer with my own ovulation. the medium had predicted that this cycle would be “natural” and “easier” this time.  i had dismissed her saying that we had done IVF and our embryos were frozen and everything was very medicated and manipulated.  that we before i knew about “A Protocol” and also before i knew that my clinic had branched out and has a clinic closer to me!

so, i will get my period here in a few days and  i will go between days 5-12 to check my uterine cavity.  this will be done in a city just 30 minutes away from me.  then once my august period starts i will call in my day one and my monitoring will take place in a city just 40 minutes away.  my follicles and uterine lining will be monitored starting on day 17 (due to my long cycles). once they see a follicle at the correct size i will take the HCG trigger shot to force ovulation. i will then take prometrium suppositories for 6 days and transfer one embryo on day 7.

more natural and easy, just like the medium said it would be.

now what else did she tell me…

let me count the ways

with our first appointment for our embryo transfer happening next week, i am not going to lie, i am really not sure about going through another pregnancy.

the “baby bug” bit me around maeve’s first birthday and i will try to do it again but i really do not want to be pregnant again.

i am not “good at being pregnant”. i love my belly and feeling the baby move and i LOOOOOOOVE the end product more than life but DUUUUUUUUDE, it kind of sucks.

even after infertility and wanting pregnancy as badly as i did, i was just not prepared at all for all the really unexpected things that happened during my pregnancy, labour and into post-partum.

i have to list it out to get a grip on what i am going to possibly face again.  i can remember it, know that it’s going to suck and be prepared to face it again.

While pregnant  –

-nausea for 17 weeks and then again in the third trimester

-the smell of bread (for a solid 10 weeks)

-pills up the vag for 20 weeks (that remind me of the smell of bread)

extreme fatigue the entire pregnancy (although i also may have just been sleeping as much as a could as a defense mechanism for not suffering through all the crap i was experiencing)

-the smell of plywood in the attic (it’s still not renovated)

-diclectin does not work for me

-pain in my upper right abdomen – nerve pain that feels like i’m being burned but is also numb (this spot is still numb)

-full belly pain (stitches after only 5 minutes walking, started at 5 months)

-hour long braxton hicks contractions or some sort of extended uterine contractions

-terrible all day sickness for 17 weeks

-only able to sleep on the couch for the entire second half pregnancy

-PUPP rash for the last two months of pregnancy

-carpel tunnel in right hand

-pressure to pee every minute or two – no urine – perpetually felt like i had a UTI

Labour –

-epidural and spinal block did not work and i had to be put under anesthesia for my c-section.  i didn’t get to hear my baby’s first cries.  no one that loves her was awake and present to greet her when she entered this world.  that is at TOUGH one for me. TOUGH. i will need another c-section.  that will be 5 abdominal surgeries in 5 years. the spinal may not work again.  i may miss my baby’s cries. they may also enter this world alone.

Post-Partum –

-healing from a c-section

-hemorrhage leading to a excessive blood loss and almost needing a blood transfusion 

-PUPP rash (started up again around 13 weeks PP and lasted for several weeks)

-terrible back, knee, leg, ankle and foot pain.  which required blood work, x-rays and an MRI.  nothing was diagnosed and it was deemed “post pregnancy pain”.  i am STILL dealing with incredibly bad ankle and foot pain at 14 months PP. 

-weakness – muscle loss from being sedentary in pregnancy

-late PPD – started around the 7 month mark and lasted until 11 months

-carpel tunnel and numbness in my right fingers for months after delivery

-“mother’s thumb” (still have joint pain in my thumbs)



working for me, not against me

the universe is continuing to bless me with good fortune.  that extra phone call to my doctor’s receptionist may have helped as well😉

i called on Wednesday and left a message to speak with the receptionist to ask a few questions i had”forgetten to ask” on Monday.  she called me on Thursday and I held good on the missed questions I had forgotten but also took the opportunity to let her know I was pretty panicked about the timing of my doctor appointments and my periods. I admitted that I naively left it too late for calling them.  We hadn’t decided to try for a second until the end of April and then I hadn’t anticipated such a long wait for an appointment. 
I had also foolishly just counted on my fingers, 9 months from September to May, but hadn’t actually calculated that for a May due date,  a transfer had to happen in August.  She assured me that I was on a cancellation list and if anything came up I’d be the first one she’d call.

I got a call YESTERDAY! There is an opening on JUNE 28th and I will be seeing our doctor at 2 p.m.

this means that I should be able to meet the doctor,  then just a few days later get my July period and have my office hystoroscopy. then I’ll be all set for my August period to start my estrace for a FET in August.

I know, to some of my struggling followers (and successful followers as well), i may seem too picky about the timing of our (hoped for) next baby.  i should be happy with ANY timing for a miracle to happen.   this is very, VERY true and i have actually surprised myself in how “picky” i am being!!

However,  since doing IVF and having Maeve, the reality is we are fortunately now lucky to be able to be picky. we can pick and choose what will work best for me and for us as a family. we have experienced how great it is to have a spring baby.  we are also hoping for as close to two years apart as possible, so having this ability to time our next pregnancy as best as possible is something i have to take advantage of and i think we, as infertiles, deserve that luxury :)

August 9

That is the earliest appointment to see my fertility specialist. This is not great. I will have started my period before this date, like JUST before this date, which means I will then be waiting until a September period to start BCP to gear up for our frozen embryo transfer. We want a September transfer.  

I thought contacting them near 5 months before our hoped for transfer month would have been plenty of time. Especially since we are just doing a frozen transfer.

I am on a cancellation list for an earlier appointment right now. I also think I’ll be the squeaky wheel and bug my doctor’s receptionist. We really want a September transfer.

The Birthmark – The Follow-up

The pediatrician called today to let us know that his dermatologist colleague at SickKids Hospital got back to him.  She could not be certain what she was looking at through the photos he sent her.  This means that the dermatologist wants to see it in person.  We were reassured many times that this does not mean that it is something bad.  At this point they really have no immediate concerns, but because it is not a commonly recognizable birthmark and the dermatologist could not see it very well in the photos, she wants to see it in person.

So now we are waiting for our appointment time at SickKids.

Irrationally I immediately I think “children that are REALLY sick go to SickKids”.   Then thinking more rationally I think “LOTS of kids go SickKids for lots of different reasons and they aren’t all life threatening”.

Thinking positively, because that is all I can do, I am just happy to know that we are going “straight to the top” to see a dermatologist in the country’s leading children’s hospital.

Until the next up-date.