Well that didn’t last


It’s me. The girl that was FULL of ideas and time and energy just a few short months ago. Well that ended. The “isolation euphoria” left just about as quickly as it arrived.

Meh. Life.

So instead of writing like a mad woman and changing the hearts and minds of MILLIONS through my blog followed by maaaayyybbeeee 200 people, I got into the thick of online learning, home schooling, being a never ending playmate to a 5 year old, and just generally trying to SURVIVE (and I DO NOT use that word lightly) each and everyday.

Maybe I’ll write again but probably not.

And I can’t even upload Maeve’s 5th birthday photos 3 months late because my phone broke at the beach last week and apparently I hadn’t downloaded any photos off my phone since Easter.




I haven’t written a blog entry in yeeeeeaaarrrs.

Since Maeve was born I haven’t felt the need to share and connect. Myself and many of the women I blogged with about our respective IFV journeys were successful! We got our babies and rainbow babies. Mission completed. We continued to “blog” some pictures and milestone updates but these got fewer and farther between. Now I myself only post about Maeve’s birthdays and our annual Christmas card.

But being in isolation, and having a very clear mind with lots of uncluttered time, my mind has been RACING with things to write about. This morning the idea of isolation and infertility is at the forefront.

When we were going through our miscarriages and IVF struggles people did their best to “comfort” me. Most people did this with words and the most common things I was told were:

“Everything happens for a reason”

“Just don’t think about it”

“Maybe you’re trying too hard?”

“My friend did x, y, z and got pregnant with TWINS!”

“Some things are just meant to be”

“You’ll be okay”

“It will be okay”

“At least you have a dog. He’s a fur baby to love”

“You have nieces to love, right? If it doesn’t work out you can be “the awesome auntie”!”

I mean the list just goes on and on.

I don’t think people know how much GRACE people going through infertility have to give and live with. We are the ones suffering but we give out all the empathy and understanding to everyone else. It’s because we know that most people just simply can’t understand what it all means. What it truly feels like.

I was thinking today about how we can apply this to social distancing. When you are scared. You have no clue what the future holds. You’re tired. You’re anxious. You’re mental health is weaker. You’re worried. You are possibly in your isolation alone.  You miss a hug and human touch.

Read the words above.

Did you find much comfort in it?

And I mean I don’t really have the answers to fixing this for those struggling in isolation right now. We can’t go over for an in home visit, we can’t hug each other. BUT I do know that we can REALLY, REALLY think about our communication right now. REALLY TRULY THINK about our WORDS. How we LISTEN. This can be a time for us to really dig deep about how we talk to each other. How we support each other.

This time is a burden but it’s also a HUGE GIFT!!!!! It’s a time to really do some DEEP work. Really think of our mindset and how we live our day to day life.

I have been doing this deeper work for a few years now. It has been full of light and it has contained the deepest darkness we humans can possibly imagine.

I am planning to return to blogging now. I have a lot to share from my personal journey and I want to share it with you. Because you know “Everything happens for a reason” and I am planning to share how the things that have happened in my life has turned into a reason, or more so a way, to possibly add some insight and enlightenment into the lives of others right now. It can perhaps be a way to help other move forward in all of this.

My series will be called “I Wished For This – A Story In Many, Many Parts”.

Feel free follow along to learn A LOT more about me and maybe learn some more about yourself along the way.

Be well, my friends.





RAWR – She’s 4!

Maeve’s birthday is still 9 days from now, but with Easter and another family get together the weekend after, we decided to have her birthday party yesterday.

4 years old. This one stings a bit. She’s getting bigger physically, mentally and emotionally and she’s clearly not a little one that needs us so much anymore.  The door is officially closed on a second child and we’re all on with life and it’s proving to be going faster and faster with every year.  She’ll be starting JK in just over 4 months?!

Saying Maeve is creative and imaginative is an understatement. You just TRY and get her away from her craft table if she’s working on a master piece, and several oft those are made each day and usually before noon! She still deeply loves music and singing and “Hey Google, Play the Into the Woods soundtrack” is one of her favourite sentences LOL.  She makes up her own songs about daily life and these can rival dozen minute long Queen ballads. She is just as bit as stubborn and independent as she’s ever been and this wears me out to no end. I am slowly coming along to understanding that this is life with her. I keep trucking with teaching her life lessons and make sure her actions stay “non-life threatening” but other than that, this girl knows what she wants and pretty much knows how to make it happen by herself and I know she’s a good kid with a kind heart and we’re ARE all going to be okay hahaha

She’s 34 lbs and 40 inches tall. She love and excels at gymnastics. She has requested swimming lessons and we’ve got to get her signed up for soccer or ball hockey this summer. She loves numbers and adding and counting to 100. Slime is 1000% her new jam. She is funny as hell. Her little voice, natural inflection, delivery and timing kills us daily. She loves when people laugh at her. She stands in the spotlight with ease and soaks it all up. She is kind and compassionate and I am seeing that what we have been doing, in terms of parenting, IS actually working for her hahaha and she is just one fucking awesome little person. We are often at our wits ends but we are also so proud of her everyday.

We had a “Roar I’m Four” theme this year and this Triceratops loving little girl was in absolute heaven all day long xox

Practicing Painterly

I love to take pictures and I love to edit them just as much.

Today Chris took Maeve to do errands for the afternoon. After doing laundry and washing windows for an hour I took a break to do what I actually like doing instead 😉

This is following the “Painterly” style as taught by Shannon Squires from Summerana.com

My model was not as thrilled about the arrival of this new unicorn dress as I was and this is literally the only image she let me capture.

Seeing as she lives with me and works for free, I made it work 😉

It’s Apple Orchard Season

It was 30 degrees and every bit still summer but Maeve was a trooper and wore her “fall outfit” to the apple orchard. Not because I forced her but because it was a new outfit and that meant she just HAD to wear it.  Kids are so awesome. And I am now fully convinced also don’t feel things the same way us adults do.  Long sleeves AND a VEST in 30+ degrees with ZERO complaints? Common.