28 days post partum

i have written and lost my draft TWICE for this post so this is the ultra shitty, short and sweet post.

maeve is 8 lbs 8 oz so she is up just under 1 lb from birth and up almost 2 lbs from when we left the hospital.  she is 21 inches long, so she grew just over 1 inch in a month.

maeve has thrush.  i was concerned about this about 2 weeks ago and was able to talk to our doctor about it this week.  she agreed that maeve’s tongue was quite coated (white).  she has a very mild form of the diaper rash that is associated with thrush as well.  i don’t have cracked or bleeding nipples but the left nipple stings a lot, they both tingle and i have shooting pains in my breast themselves.  maeve has drops that we give her 4 times a day (1 ml) and i have to put canesten (yeast infection) topical cream on my nipples.  we been doing this for about 3 days and so far i see no change.  hopefully we’ll see some difference soon.  it’s a little annoying because i have to have the cream on all the time but have to wash it before breastfeeding.  there are times i can’t put it on at all because all she wants to do is eat.  i don’t use the cream at night because i would just be up and down all the time washing it off before feeding.  the drops are okay.  she doesn’t like the taste and spits about 50% of each dose.

i am still feeling good. the “hormone high” has decreased. i still feel very happy but i am getting more tired and less “dreamy” about daily life hahaha.

we took maeve to the apple orchard that we had our wedding photos done at.  it was wonderful to take her back there and get this next chapter of our life documented the same way.  the owners ask for a $50 donation towards the church to use the property.  when we arrived we gave the owner, henry, the money and chatted for a bit.  they are dutch as well (hubby is half dutch).  they are very nice and love to joke.  we left and did our photos. right before we finished henry came over and asked if we banked in town.  we were a little confused but told him no and told him where we bank. he asked if maeve had a savings account yet and told him we would be starting an RESP for her.   then he reached in his pocket and gave us the money back and told us to consider banking at the small bank in town.  i immediately said, “no, that’s for the church!”.  he responded, “no, that’s for her”. very touching.

we’ve started our bathroom reno.  so far so good. no big surprises which are always a possibility when you’re tearing apart a house that is 105 years old.  i can just picture the finished products and i am sooooo excited :)

i am 143 lbs.  9 lbs over pre-pregnancy.  i bought my boot camp package and am starting stroller fit june 19th. i also just saw a “learn to row” ad at the waterfront today.  i rowed in high school and loved it!  i just don’t know if i’d that much time away from baby.  i guess it’s just a matter of planning ahead and pumping what chris would need to take care of maeve while i’m gone.

i took some photos of maeve for her 1 month milestone.  i used a custom quilt for her birth announcement so i am going to keep taking photos of her monthly milestones on this quilt.

DSC_0014 (Medium) 1 month copy

DSC_0024 (Medium) DSC_0026 (Medium) DSC_0028 (Medium) DSC_0033 (Medium) DSC_0038 (Medium) DSC_0059 (Medium)

DSC_0001 (Medium) DSC_0013 (Medium) DSC_0024 (Medium) DSC_0031 (Medium) DSC_0044 (Medium) DSC_1191 (Medium) DSC_1246 (Medium) DSC_1247 (Medium) DSC_1285 (Medium) DSC_1293 (Medium) DSC_1300 (Medium)

21 days post partum

i’m feeling great but i have definitely had a few days where my patience was not a high as it had been.  i had a few days where i didn’t get a lie down in the afternoon, baby girl was feeding non-stop and my hubby and i were just spending too time together.  we were kind of at each other non-stop.  just spending way too much time together. we are not a co-dependent couple.  we enjoy our time together but it’s not usually 24/7.  last week chris started demoing the downstairs bathroom in preparation for the upstairs bathroom reno and we got away this weekend to my parent’s house for a couple of days.  it was good to spend some time apart and get out of the house.  now i am feeling 100% better and can do everything myself and chris doesn’t need to be helping me out so much.  the balance is shifting back to normal and we are doing more and more independently.

baby maeve is growing so much!  it’s sad a little bit, (i want her to stay small forever!), but it’s so fun to see her growing and changing.  i weighed her and she was up to 9 lbs.  she’ll be a little less at the doctor’s office this tuesday as they have a different scale and they weigh her naked but still, she’s definitely growing well.  she still looks so slender in her arms and legs though.  maeve is awake so much more so we started to use the play pad.  we have a little mirror set up and hanging toys that she can hit with her hands and feet.  it plays music as well.  she likes it, for a bout 10 minutes at a time.

DSC_1172 (Medium) DSC_1173 (Medium)

we took maeve to her second party :)  chris’ uncle is part owner of a brewery/restautrant in a town about an hour and half away – Old Flame Brewery.  it was his 50th birthday and that side of the family had not met her yet.  it was a fun night and maeve did great being out and about so late.  my girlfriend made her a bunch of onesies with funny sayings on them but she did them on 12 month onesies.  one of them was a play on the beer society logo that she co-founded.  instead of the Society of Beer Drinking Ladies she made a logo for the Society of Boob Sucking Babies.  so i asked her to send me the logo and i transferred it to a newborn onesie. everyone thought it was hilarious.

DSC_1086 (Medium) DSC_1087 (Medium) DSC_1088 (Medium)

we bought a BOLER!  we look out for the little campers whenever we’re out driving and we have stopped at a few places and asked if they were for sale but i didn’t know we were market to buy one right now.  chris asked if i wanted to go manitoulin island for the weekend and i was like, “no! why? what’s up there?” hahaha.  he said, “boler!”.  he showed me some listings on kijiji and of course i picked the most expensive one.  chris wanted to get a cheaper one and fix it up.  i love a project and am usually up for projects like that but not this time. i don’t know how to sew so i can’t redo cushions or make curtains.  we don’t have a spray booth for repainting and we don’t know how to work on fiberglass (my dad does but he’s 75 now and i don’t like asking for favors like that).  so after some time on the computer chris agreed to getting a more expensive boler that doesn’t need much work.  we called and offered $1000 less and they took the offer :)

2015-05-15 12.22.47

i’m still 10 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight and i’m feeling good.  i have my post-op check-up on the 27th and i am looking forward to getting back to fully regular activities.  i am signed up for weekly boot camps over next 6 months and i will be doing stroller fitness starting in june.

DSC_1178 (Medium)

helping some sisters out (hopefully) part 2

a few items that didn’t make it into the first installment.

more swaddling. in addition to “helping yourself” to a couple of those awesome hospital blankets i highly recommend swaddling sacks. they keep babe tight like a taco and are so easy to use  – velcro! :)  i leave the top outer velcro undone so baby girl can still move her arms.

75930_IMG_N-SPBLANKET_LIFE1_466X302

“free” codes. i’m sure you seen these codes floating around. you can order several items that have a code which gets you the items for free, you just pay for shipping.  most useful so far – car seat canopy and breast feeding cover.  lots of style and colours to choose from. fast, easy shipping.  items run roughly $19-21 for shipping.

http://www.carseatcanopy.com/

http://www.uddercovers.com/

Carseat-Canopy-Baby-Infant-Car-Seat-Cover-wAttachment-Straps-and-Minky-Fabric-Chevy-0

Nursing-Cover

lighten the load. car seats can be heavy!  like soooo heavy.  and that is before the baby is even in it!  i chose to get my muscles in the gym and opted for the evenflo flexlite travel system in raleigh.  great gender neutral design.  LOVED the santa fe design as well.  also gender neutral – black, grey and yellow (hubby like raleigh better).

FlexLite_POP_002

this is true!  one pull on the strap at the base of the stroller seat  – BAM. folded.  easy side latch opens in one easy motion.

51HjifH-gkL._SY300_

nursing bras.  i haven’t tried any other brands or styles but i didn’t have to.  i LOVE warner’s nursing bras.  the soft bra is amazing for over night and for the first few days in the hospital when you aren’t too full and in need of support but are feeding non stop.  the molded, support bra is easy to clasp and unclasp and offers great support with the under wire.  i did get an under wire bra by playtex for “going out’.  a little more coverage for nights when you’re out in a nice outfit (thicker cup).

618_58200_A_008 618_65391_A_003

they come in both black and white

13246224

breast feeding pillows. every woman swear by certain brands and types of breast feeding pillows.  i am the same hahaha.  i got a Boppy Body pillow when i was pregnant and desperate for comfortable sleep.  it worked okay for that but now that baby girl is here i use it for early morning feedings in the la-z-boy.  it is great because it is soft and can push down in the chair around me.  for a firm, actual breast feeding pillow, i am a big fan of the boomerang nursing pillow from babies’r’us.  it has saved my life for feeding anytime of day.  in the hospital after my c-section i gave up on baby sleeping in the bedside bassinet.  i just couldn’t lift her out. we would make a “nest” in the bed with two normal pillows on either side of me and then the nursing boomerang around the front. baby girl could easily nurse and then we could both fall back to sleep with baby on my chest and everyone was safe and happy.  at home, i do the same in the regular bed.  i also have my RH Baby bassinet beside the bed so on good nights where baby is back to sleep and i am still awake i transfer her.  a lot of nights we just fall back to sleep together in the bed and it’s wonderful.

images

10006271_sage

i’ll be back once i have a 3rd installment

:)

Mother’s Day reflection – here’s to the infertiles and angel mommies

oc15:

thank you for putting this into words.

An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby’s birth. Then whispered as she closed the book “too beautiful for earth” ~author unknown.

i’ve been a mother since march 2012. 3 angels in my heart.

Originally posted on I beat Infertility...now what?:

I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for the happy Mother’s Day texts, calls, cards, and messages.  It truly is a blessing to be the mom to this little miracle.

One thing I did notice is there were a lot of people wishing me a happy “first” Mother’s Day and while I do really appreciate just the thought I just wanted to let you know that this is not my first Mother’s Day.  I’ve been a mother for quite some time now.  I’ve been a mother since I had the desire to have a child of my own.  If you ask my grandfather, he will tell you I had the word “Mom” written on my forehead for the last 6 years as he knew that is what I was destined to be.  I’m also a mother to three wonderful angels who I think about and feel every single…

View original 1,125 more words

birth / mother’s day gift

pink pearl necklace and an Akoya saltwater pearl to be made into jewelry later (Maeve got the same). they are to represent our trying to conceive and IVF journey. a symbol that something can start as a speck and grow into something beautiful. that it takes time and patience and hope and a reminder that not every one turns out so when you get one that forms perfectly you appreciate it that much more.
xox

DSC_1118 (Medium) DSC_1120 (Medium) DSC_1121 (Medium) DSC_1123 (Medium) DSC_1108 (Medium) DSC_1109 (Medium) DSC_1113 (Medium)DSC_1114 (Medium)

14 days post partum

things have been going really well.  after i saw my dr. and mentioned my concerns about my fluid retention it seemed to magically start to drain away the next day.  i am at 144 lbs – down from 163.  was 134 when i got pregnant and now i am 10 lbs over that weight and i am curious to see if i will lose any more water weight.  i feel like i could have little bit more retained fluid and then factoring in my breastfeeding, i think i probably only gained about 7-8 pounds of fat during my pregnancy.  at that same appointment i also had some sort of long stitch that my dr. leaves in after a c-section removed and the burning and searing sensation i was feeling went away. i stopped my percocets last wednesday and have just been taking ibuprofen for inflammation. i am taking iron twice a day, a stool softener twice a day and a prenatal vitamin.

we have been going for a long walk everyday.  it’s one of my favourite times of the day.  we usually have our coffee and we walk around the subdivisions looking at peoples houses, gardens and decor.  we’re kind of snoopy that way haha.

i wish i could work out. i feel amazing and have so much energy but i have to wait another 4 weeks to be safe.

i am eating like a pig!  well not really but i have a hearty appetite that’s for sure and we’ve been eating really well.  3 square meals and lots of snacks and water in between.  i actually have a grumbly tummy when i’m hungry.  i guess i can thank breast feeding for this healthy appetite.

my clothes fit me! my skinny pants from before i was pregnant actually fit me. i was amazing by this.  i know i didn’t gain a tonne of weight but i for thought it would take longer to get back into the pants for sure.  the problem i have now is some of my tops don’t fit because my boobs are too big!  (i guess there are worse problems to have haha)  i also have to watch that the tops i wear are breast feeding friendly.  i need something stretchy that can pulled down comfortably at any given moment.

we’ve been doing lots of outings.  she loves the car and going for walks.  she cries in the car at first but i sooth her with her binky and then she’s out cold for hours.  she seems to know exactly when were 2 minutes from home and she’ll start fussing or crying.  it’s the wildest thing.

i am giving my maternity clothing to my girlfriend this week.  she’s due in november so she’ll need it soon.  she’s going to save it all and give it back once she’s done so i’ll have it for the next pregnancy.  she’s gotten a few GCs for thyme maternity so she’ll add to the pile for my second time around.  think i am going to hang on to the tank tops though. so comfy and easy to breast feed in.  we’ll see.

we had maeve out to the city this past weekend. went to a wine bar to say farewell to friends moving to miami.  she was amazing!  we were the envy of all the other moms that were there. they could not believe we drove 1.5 hours (so 3 hours round trip) into the city with a 9 day old baby and that we looked so good and rested hahaha

i am O- blood type and chris is A+ .  i have had several rhogam shots over the years after my miscarriages and for bleeding during my pregnancy.  once maeve was born we discovered that she is A-.  a blood type that is even rarer than mine.  i am 7% of the population and she is 6%.  her bilirubin first came back high risk in the hospital then when retested came back low risk.  at our first appointment my dr. was concerned with our difference in O and A blood and wanted to repeat the test. she said if our blood crossed and my blood was in her body it could end up attacking her cells so we went for more blood work for her.  poor thing, they had to prick her three times.  we found out the next day her blood had clotted in the vial and they couldn’t process the test.  we had to take her back on tuesday to try it again.  this time i turned the vial while the tech drew the second vile so that it wouldn’t clot.  it worked and the tests came back negative.  now we don’t have to worry about that any more and my little babe doesn’t have to get pricked again.

maeve and i got out to the greenhouse this week and we celebrated cinco de mayo by making tacos together :)

DSC_1049 (Medium) DSC_1051 (Medium)

2015-05-02 23.56.24 2015-05-02 23.59.30 2015-05-04 17.11.04 2015-05-05 17.09.17 2015-05-07 09.55.24 2015-05-07 16.38.42

2015-05-02 12.02.34 2015-05-03 10.04.07 2015-05-05 18.14.43

First Mother’s Day craft

the day maeve was born, my husband gave her and i each a 9mm Akoya pearl with a setting hole so we can design our own jewelry someday.  he also gave us matching pearl necklaces.  although maeve is a “diamond” baby (born in april) the pearl is to symbolize our TTC and IVF journey. it shows how something beautiful can grow from a speck.  how not all pearls form perfectly, how it takes patience to wait for something to grow and how we need to appreciate how perfect something can be once learn how many don’t work out.

we also bought our mom’s matching past, present, future knot necklaces with diamonds and chocolate diamonds.

when i brought up mother’s day gifts i told him we had gotten enough gifts at maeve’s birth.  he told me he had seen a craft online that he wanted to make.  i had a craft idea as well so went to michael’s yesterday and got all of our supplies.

this morning i fed maeve and then chris started with her foot prints.  she was awake but so calm and happy to be held by daddy.  she didn’t even flinch when he painted her feet.  the hands were a different story hahaha.  babies ball up their hands.  when maeve eats she clasps her own hands, my hands, her clothes, my clothes, anything she can grab she will have a death grip on it hahaha.  once she’s done and passed out however she’ll let them hang loose.  i had her on my boob, using my nipple as a pacifier while chris got her hand prints haha.  we had to touch up some of the smudgy parts and add in some of the missing parts but the final product turned out so amazing. i decided not to push our luck with more hand prints so i put a flower in place of the “O” on my piece.

i can’t wait to give them to our moms this weekend and i have to find special spots to display my treasures.

DSC_1006 (Medium) DSC_1007 (Medium) DSC_1008 (Medium) DSC_1009 (Medium) DSC_1010 (Medium) DSC_1013 (Medium) DSC_1014 (Medium) DSC_1015 (Medium) DSC_1017 (Medium) DSC_1018 (Medium) DSC_1020 (Medium) DSC_1021 (Medium) DSC_1023 (Medium) DSC_1025 (Medium) DSC_1026 (Medium) DSC_1027 (Medium) DSC_1031 (Medium) DSC_1034 (Medium) DSC_1037 (Medium) DSC_1039 (Medium) DSC_1040 (Medium) DSC_1042 (Medium) DSC_1045 (Medium) DSC_1053 (Medium) DSC_1054 (Medium)

things that make you say “yay! “

at 4 a.m. diaper change i discovered Maeve’s umbilical cord had fallen off.

yay!

the site still looks clean and dry.  no oozing.  still a bit of  stuff  attached inside  but looking good.

the things you get excited about with a baby haha

would it be totally gross and weird  to save it? lol

a tale of 2 (failed) epidurals… oh, and a failed spinal block

(i have not read this back for spelling or grammatical errors, i just don’t have the energy).

here we go:

i wanted to sleep in bed with Chris on my last night at home before baby but thanks to “insane pregnancy rash” i had to spend one last night on the couch alone.
i slept wonderfully for the first time two weeks.  thanks for that body!
i woke up on my own at about 6 a.m. as soon as i sat up i heard thunderous music playing upstairs.  my husband had gone online, hooked up the computer to the stereo and was pumping salt’n’pepa’s “push it” at full volume.  LOL. it. was. amazing.  i Instagramed a video of it of course haha.
he played a few more songs i could hear as i showered.  “sweet child of mine”, “here comes the sun”. it was so nice. (he told me later when he had “here comes the sun” on he got choked up).

we had breakfast, made coffees to go and headed to the hospital for 7:30 a.m.

we arrived, registered and i was put in triage to have my 20 minute NST test.  everything was normal and we were moved to our labour and delivery room.

my doctor came in and checked me.  i still wasn’t dilated but my cervix had shortened and softened a bit and she was able to put a bit of a finger tip into my cervix.  she put in a gel which pinched and made me crampy while she was inserting it.  after it was inserted i had to stay lying down for 1 hour.  it started to burn but i didn’t feel any contractions.  after the hour was up we walked.  all over the hospital. over and over and over.  until you walk an entire hospital you don’t realize it’s not actually that big.  we tried to stay off the busy levels but that was useless.  we needed more space.  at one point a couple stopped and said “still walking eh?!” it’s funny watching people watch you.  everyone loves a baby.  they look at your belly, then they make eye contact and then they smile as if to say, “good luck and congrats”.

i was checked about 4 hours after the first gel was inserted and nothing had happened.  my doctor inserted a second gel and again i was crampy and it pinched and it burned but this time i started having contractions.  then, again, we walked and walked and walked.  we decided to time the contractions just to see what they were doing.  they were consistently 2 and half minutes apart and 40 seconds long.  we went back to the room to have something to drink and have a popsicle. we read magazines and watched “i love you man”.  great movie haha.  the doctor checked me again and by this time it was about 8 p.m.  this time i was 1-2 cm dilated so she broke my water.  i came out in a big gush and sprayed all over my my feet hahaha.  i was told it would just keep leaking until the baby was born and it was true. it leaked and leaked and it felt very strange.

the nurse was instructed to start my pitocin I.V.  she missed my vein the first attempt.  god i hate that burning feeling. it really sucks.  she got it on the second try and the drip was started.  i started really feeling the contractions once that was started. chris sat beside me and held my hand and we chatted with the nurse between contractions.  chris would let me know when one was about to start but i could feel it in my body.  i’d breath and moan through it.  i was doing very well but the nurse kept saying, “let me know when you want an epidural shannon. you can get one anytime”.  i just kept feeling like i should put up with more.  i had only be contracting hard for 2 hours.  finally at 10 p.m. she reminded me that could take up to an hour to get the anesthesiologist to come put in the epidural.  i finally agreed to call him to come.  it was like as soon as i said yes, i broke my mental focus and the the pain of the contractions ramped up considerably.  luckily it only took the anesthesiologist 20 minutes to get to my room.  he was a nice, soft spoken man.  he explained everything he was going to do and got started.  i only felt one little sting from the freezing and then it was done.  he injected the medication, i numbed up and all was good!

chris went to bed and i settled in to try and rest as well.  well that lasted for may an hour and then i started to feel contractions in my back and on the top of my thighs.  i held off telling the nurse about it and then finally i was like “this doesn’t seem right”.  i mentioned the pain to her and she told me a lot of women had this happen because the anesthesiologist uses a stronger medication and then the top up bag is a different dose which is not as strong.  she told to just keep pushing my button.

it didn’t work.

my doctor came in to check me and i was at about 4 cm.  so things were clearly moving very slowly.  at this point i was in a tremendous amount of pain so they called the anesthesiologist in to check my epidural.  it was a new dr. who was young and very gentle and caring.  he would talk to me in between contractions and would encourage me while i was in the middle of having them telling me i was doing great.  very sweet.  he put in some stronger medication into my exsisting line and said he’d be back in 5 minutes.  he came back and nothing had changed.  he put in more, warning me that i would get super numb, like paralyzed numb, and some people didn’t like that feeling, i told him to pump it in as fast as he could.  he left again saying he’d be back in 5.  he came back and my pain had gone from a 12 to an 8 so he assumed it was starting to work and left.  my OB chatted with me and said i was at the 5 cm stage and once you hit 5 then dilation can go quickly from there.  i agreed to wait it out and see if that would be the case for me instead of settling on an c-section at that point.  my OB left and the nurse rolled me over and as soon as i did i started retching.  there was nothing but bile in my stomach as i hadn’t eaten in over 12 hours.  it was awful.  the nurse told us that it was actually a good sign as most women get to the 4-5 cm stage and vomit and it’s a sign that they are going to start dilating quickly.

that was not the case for me.

20 minutes later the contractions were back with avengence. they called the anethesiologist once again. he could not believe i was feeling pain.  he was dumbfounded as was my OB.  at this point i was still only 4 cm and i was in so much pain i was starting cry when i felt a contraction coming on.  i literally was begging the universe to not let it happen and cried out “no, no, no”. he said we could try and play around with the epidural that was already in but at this point we were looking at a possible c-section for me anyway so he might as well just put in a new line.  i agreed.  i was having crazy back, thigh and hip contractions. my nurse said she didn’t experience it but had heard that leg labour was the most painful labour you could have.  great, yay for me hahaha.  i told the dr. i was worried because the contractions were so painful i wasn’t sure i could stay still when he needed me to if i started a contraction at a crucial time while he was placing the line.  sure enough he just finishes telling me not to move and a contraction starts.  i stayed dead still and made the highest pitched moans.  i have never heard myself make a noise like that.  i heard myself make a lot of noises during labour that i’d never heard myself make before.  eh, whatever gets you by.  i honestly don’t know how i stayed still during that.  again, just a little pinch and my second epidural was in.  he pumped in the medicine.  he said he’s let it work and would be back.

nothing.  it didn’t work at all.

at this point they were asking me if i had scoliosis or if i’d ever had a major back injury.  no one could believe that both my epidurals were not working.

i was crying and begging them to help me at this point.  my OB was delivering a baby so they pulled out the laughing gas and told me to suck on this tube thing when my contractions started.  i was in so much pain i couldn’t even suck in the gas. i tried so hard but i couldn’t breath and just couldn’t control my breathing.  i continued to beg them to help me.

of course all this is happening and it’s shift change time.  my awesome nurse julie was leaving me and i didn’t want her to go.  she was so lovely and calm during the whole process and i just wanted her to stay with me.  i heard her telling the new nurse that i was in a lot of pain now but i was a sweetheart and had been a trooper all night.

my dr. came in at about 7:30 a.m. and made the decision to bump her 8 o’clock scheduled c-section and get me in.

this is when shit really hit the fan.

another new anesthesiologist came in at this point and was trying to explain the spinal block to me.  i didn’t give a shit.  i just wanted her to take my pain away asap!  she just kept talking and talking and talking and i just gave up. i couldn’t try to listen to her anymore.  my new nurse was holding my hand as they chris getting suited up for the O.R.  i put most of my squeezing into the bed rail instead of her hand.  i honestly thought i was going break the rail off.  again, i was making noises that were so primal i was shocking myself.  i was very proud though.  i did not swear once and i never got up set with my husband.  the worst i said was “oh my god” then in my pain ridden daze i somehow thought that may be offensive to someone in the room and starting saying “oh my goodness”.  wft?! hahaha

i said good bye to chris and was wheeled into the O.R. the first thing they asked me to do was move myself from my hospital bed the operating table.  i was basically in rigor mortise i was in so much pain and they wanted me to more myself?!  i did it, very slowly and painfully.  once i was there they realized that i had on a very small bra type top that had to come off. the nurse told me to remove by myself.  WTF!?! i was begging them to just cut it off me but they wouldn’t she just told me to take it off.  i got off half way, so it was still around my right arm and she told me that was good enough.  then i had to lie on my side for a spinal block.  i still had my epidural in so they had to remove it and take off the big band aid dressing they put on keep it in place.  it hurts when the peel it off. it was the second time i was having one removed and the nurse was not taking it off gently.  i was fine with that, the issue was i was having a contraction while she was taking it off.  i started to saying, “ouch, ouch, ouch” and blurted out “i have to take it off!”.  i manage to growl out “i know, i’m having a contaction!”.  then the dr. put in a spinal block. i had to stay completely still and again i have no idea how i did it.  at this point my OB was in front of me holding my hands and telling me i was doing great.  i didn’t feel any pain just some electric shock type sensations.  they told me it would start to work in a couple of minutes.  meanwhile the nurse told me to roll onto my back and straighten out my legs.  except i was in so much pain i could barely get my legs straight.  it didn’t help my right leg was stuck in my catheter tube and no one noticed.  she kept telling me to straighten my legs and all i could manage was “the tube, the tube”. finally someone noticed what was going on and helped me.  then i couldn’t get my left leg straight because the blanket or sheet was all bundled up.  again someone finally noticed and helped me.  all the while the nurse by my head was just being a total cunt.  i do not like this word and do not use it lightly but she was a cunt.  as they were putting up the sheet barrier i could feel them washing my stomach with iodine. it was scratchy and wet and cold.  i told her i could feel it and she told me, “ya, you can feel stuff, it’s fine”.  i knew something wasn’t right. i was also still having insane contractions.  i told her this and she said “i don’t get it, what are you feeling?”.  at this point i was so fed up with this women i basically yelled at her that it felt like i was being burned alive from in the inside out.  they reassured me i’d start to feel numb any second.  my doctor pinches her patients with tweezers to see if they are frozen. she pinched me once and i thought she was starting to cut as i felt it full on and i yelled and flew up off the table.  everyone was in shock. my spinal did not work either.

the decision was made to put me out for the procedure. there was no other choice. they were explaining this and that chris couldn’t be in the room but i already knew all this. i was in so much pain i was just saying “put me under, yes, fine i get it, help me, put me under now”.  they had me breath deeply with a mask on my face and the cunt told me i’d feel two big burns in my hand, which i did and then i was out.

i woke up and the pain was going.  chris walked around the corner and our baby girl was on his chest.  he had the biggest smile on his face.  all i could see was a little wet head with a little bit of matted dark hair and i was in love already. he put our baby girl on my chest and she was folded up in a ball and had her fingers AND her toes in her mouth at the same time! hahaha  she pulled her hand out of her mouth and i gave her my finger and squeezed on to me and i just felt this instant bond that could never be broken.

i was moved to my hospital room and my nurse checked my fundus height.  this was not as painful as i thought it would be.  she said a couple of times that my uterus was really high up and she was very surprised by it but i didn’t know what to say to that.  she took my baby girl and showed me how to do the football hold for nursing.  baby girl latched right away and knew just what to do. it was amazing.

my mom and chris’ parents arrived at 12:30 p.m. and met their newest granddaughter.  chris’ parents left after about an hour as his mom is a math tutor and had students coming to her house. my mom stay for the rest of the day.

a nurse came in the night and bathed our girl for the first time.  she warned us that the babies don’t like this scream bloody murder but that she is okay.  as soon as the water hit her head, she fell asleep! she loved it.

my OB came in the next morning and let me know that i had bled out a litre of blood in less than two minutes and i really scared her for a minute (for the rest of my time in the maternity ward i heard myself referenced to as the “c-section hemorrhage”.  lovely.  we were waiting on the results of my hemoglobin blood test to see if i would need a blood transfusion.  she explained a normal persons count would be 120.  going into the surgery i was 107. normal for a pregnant woman to be a bit lower.  she would let the numbers go as low as 80 before a transfusion for a normal person and for a pregnant women she will go as low as 70.  mine came back at 76.  no transfusion for me.

she also told me that for no reason that she could tell i have an over sized uterus.  normally when she has you open during the c-section she will tilt the uterus forward and check the fallopian tubes an ovaries (although i don’t have tubes) but she couldn’t do that with me because my uterus was just too big.  also she said that normally once the uterus starts to contract down to normal size it should be two finger lengths below the belly button once she has sewn you back up and when she finished with me, mine was still a whole palm width ABOVE my belly button.

i’m a special case in so many ways, lucky me! hahaha

so there you have it.  my birth story.  i didn’t have a birth plan and i didn’t think about the labour process to much as i didn’t want to get myself all freaked out but i could have never in million years predicted that that is what my first labour would be like.

i will say this though.  we have been through some hell to finally get out baby.  2 ectopic pregnancies, a blighted ovum, a failed FET, a dermoid cyst, OHSS, 4 surgeries in just over 3 years, a rough pregnancy and a labour from hell but in the end we were rewarded with a dream baby.  she is amazing.  if there was a manual for the ideal baby she would be hitting all the marks.  she feeds great, she sleeps well, she is easily calmed and easy going.

we have finally left the nightmare behind us and we are finally living the dream.

DSC_0881 (Medium)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxooxoxox