take your own advice

i am always so encouraging to others to not trust their HPT and to wait for beta results.

so why did i wake up this morning and go to the pharmacy and pick up HPTs!?!?!

i came home and did a test – 6dpt of two 5 day blasts – negative.

i feel so sick to my stomach. i have totally thrown my day off. why did i do that to myself?!

last time i did do a test before my beta but I did it the day before my blood beta test. it was positive pretty much instantly.

i just have so many signs i guess i felt i would see something on a HPT.  huge, swollen boobs, so sore they make me feel sick when i touch them or they get bumped, bruised looking nipples, cramps, gagging and dry heaving after eating, irritable, emotional. 

i could very well be pregnant and it’s just too early but this has really gotten me shaken up and i wish i hadn’t done this.

4 days until beta….

Baby Break

Baby Break

i can’t believe i actually feel like making this tonight. been pretty lazy lately. decided to make this – minus the spinach. not that i don’t like spinach, it’s just i already have a salad made with spinach and anymore spinach will be way too much spinach! hahaha
i’m going to use portobello AND brown mushrooms – YUM!

to make things easier try this little trick –

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what’s cookin’ at your place tonight?

good sign, bad sign

i noted that i think i have pregnancy signs before i officially know i’m pregnant.

this is very exciting but i also have very mixed emotions about these signs.

are the signs just a result of the pregnancy hormone entering my system?  or are they a sign that something isn’t quite right?

3 pregnancies, 3 times i’ve had all these signs, 3 times they have ended because something was wrong.

i wish i could break this cycle of fear and doubt.

a miracle

as i sit in my little IVF bubble and wait to see if i’m pregnant i am reminded that we are just such a small part of this plantet and this life that we’re all living here on it.

i started sobbing as i watched this and i’m still sobbing now. yes, it’s most likely because of all the hormones i’m taking, but this is just so magnificent it’s hard to not be moved by the pure magic this world holds.

i dream of a place where all creatures can live like this. that we could just feel this joyful, because this is pure joy.

i dream that our children will reach out and grab everything around them and live their life with passion and heart. i wish them to live with a sense of adventure and deep respect for all the creatures and wonders of this earth.

i make wreaths

i make wreaths

i started making wreaths when i couldn’t get pregnant.
i have made A LOT of wreaths hahaha

friends and family thought they were pretty great so i decided to start an etsy shop – Gosh Yarn It! Yarn & Paper Wreaths – https://www.etsy.com/shop/GoshYarnItWreaths?ref=pr_shop_more

so far i’ve sold about a dozen wreaths and over half of those were sold to total strangers, (so not just my friends and family), so i feel pretty proud about that! lol

i have been thinking about making some wreaths now that i’m off work for a bit…

today i got a sale in the shop!

time to get crafty 🙂