a new year – a new space – a new mindset
a lot happened over the month of december. since giving life a chance again and letting go of my heartache, i have just become the happy me again that i have been missing so much. this christmas was fun!! a lot of love from family and friends made it very special – as always.
my mom and sister in law outdid themselves with a great clothing selections for me. i am very luck to have family members that are daring enough to shop for clothes. i always worry about that (buying clothes for others) but they always hit the mark for style and colour (and SIZE) and i now have a wonderful assortment of GAP items to wear this winter and beyond 🙂
my husband’s parents were VERY generous as always. we borrowed money for stock options at my husbands work from them last spring, (which paid off BIG TIME this year with his salary increase and bonus). so each month i write a cheque and we’re slowly paying it off over two years. we got a card with a very special treat. our pay back plan is considered “paid in full”. wow, the generosity in our family is just overwhelming sometimes. so this generous gift means that we can pay off our line of credit debt that we’ve been carrying from the previous IVF cycle and we’ll be ready for our next IVF cycle which may take place in March (or whenever i’m healed and emotionally ready to go for it again).
we were also lucky enough to get some extra spending money from other gifts and by selling a large item on kijiji (gotta love that!) and we spoiled ourselves with a new standing mirror for the bedroom and a smart t.v for the new “crafting/office” space that just opened up after the big sell 🙂
i am starting to get butterflies thinking about how my surgery to remove the cysts from ovary is now less than a month away… i am being brought back to that world of infertility that was quite enjoying taking a break from. just calling the clinic and listening to the receptionist’s pre-recorded instructions made my tummy flip… i had hoped that 2014 wouldn’t be like the past couple of years but it would seem i’m in a bit of a “groundhog day” situation here.
on january 8th i am officially starting my volunteering at a local child care facility. i’ll be helping out 3 days a week (so about 12 hours). i am really getting exciting about this! thinking of a whole new career path is very overwhelming but i really feel like this could open up some amazing doors for me and i am excited to see where it may take me!
i’m going to enjoy the rest of the month and be brave once again on January 27th. knowing the recovery time and what to expect from this surgery will make it easier and then i can really focus my heart and my mind on the IVF stuff again. this time i’ll take my time. i’m not rushing into this again unless i am completely at peace with doing it. i’m not in a race this time and that my friends feels pretty damn good!
this got unanimous approval last night.
it’s officially been added to the Christmas baking recipes.
saw this on my FB feed today. i know that most of you here understand the deeply profound meaning of this already but it’s a great way to share these feelings with friends and family.
a great tool for everyone.
pass it on!
a good chuckle!
my girlfriend miscarried last month. tonight she texted me to let me know that BOTH of her sister-in-laws just announced their pregnancies and they are both due in the same week that she would have been due.
LIFE IS FUCKING BALLS!!!
this is the kind of thing that shot me right over the edge. it builds up, and builds up and then you get a fucking face full of shit and you just can’t take it anymore.
i am very scared for her. i know what this is like and i know the torture she is going to put herself through. i didn’t know how to help myself when shit like this happened to me. i wish i knew what to do to help her.
i guess we all have to figure it out on own…
i am almost finished my period and i haven’t cried once.
i got a little emotional at a couple of t.v. commercials but that’s pretty typical and it is christmas time after all.
i thought when i wrote my letter and let go of my obsession to become pregnant i would instantly fall back into the rut once i ovulated.
i thought i may get sad and down once i felt those oh so familiar cramps and saw the first spots of blood when when my period started.
i thought i’d get excited to get my surgery date and i thought i’d get disappointed when i officially heard the date was some time in January.
i think i may have finally made the break through i’ve been waiting for. the time i have always told myself would come but i just couldn’t quite get myself there…
i’m finally there.
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas full of love and laughter!