3rd embryo report

the 6th embryo didn’t do anything overnight 😦 poor little guy.  so they’ve stopped watching him.

the other 5 are the “poster children” for embryos.

haha I love our embryologist.

all 5 are at some stage of multiple cell division.   8, 10,12,14.

by tomorrow they will be so compacted that they won’t have anything to report so he will not call us.

the nurse,  however,  will call.  we have been bad and not let our clinic know I’m in the hospital.  we’re waiting till the final hour to see if I’m out of the running for sure for a fresh transfer.

so happy about these 5 embryos that appear to be great.

fresh or frozen, we’re going to have our baby xox

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hospitalized II

so they saw that the pain was because my ovaries are at 190 and 183 (don’t remember the measurement he used) but they are supposed to be at 90 normally.

they saw that my left ovary is pushing on the tube to my left kidney and my kidney is swollen.

the pain subsided into the evening and I no pain overnight.   i was up and down for really good pees and woke up wIth a bit of period like cramps.

doctor came to see me and I told him my pain was better.   he dialed back my IV and said I could eat solids.  he said he’d see me tomorrow morning.

so I’m here for another day and night (at least).

the shitty part is I just started getting the kidney back pain again and my ovaries are really sore.  my belly is really hard.

sigh. 

guess I’m not on the mend after all… and I’m that means I’m not getting real food after all.

I’m also not getting my fresh transfer

😦

hospitalized

well the OHSS won.

I woke up yesterday feeling great!  I even said to my husband that I was at  the “day 3 turn around”.  we had coffee and breakfast on the deck then went in to get ready for the day.

I went into our bedroom and all of a sudden my back felt like it was going into spasms on the left side.

it was really bad so I decided to have a hot shower.  I felt a bit better and lied down in bed until the embryologist called.  once he called Chris left for work and the spasms started up again.  I thought I was dying.  I

managed to

talk myself into the car and made it to the drug store for some robaxacet.

I took two pills and waited.

it felt okay for a bit and then oh my god.  I called a friend in the area. no answer.  I called another friend that is a nurse and she said she’d be right over.
I almost called 911 while I waited for her.

she finally arrived and the pain was getting worse and worse.

she didn’t take the hwy and we hit every red light.

they admitted me but told me they were busy so they would try to get me in as fast as they could.   that was not fat enough.

I was pretty much dying in the hallway in a wheel chair for 25 minutes.

my husband arrived and my friend left.  I owe her BIG TIME! !!

I got in a gown and then lost it. i was moaning and crying and next thing I knew I had 4 nurses and a paramedic in my little cubicle.  I got an IV and they started morphine.

I had an ultrasound done and during the ultrasound the pain flared up again.  I was

writhing

around.  they finally took me back to the ER gave me more morphine and told me I’d be admitted for OHSS.

to be continued. ..

2nd embryo report

the embryologist was half an hour late calling and in that half hour my mind was going crazy.  i was starting to feel certain that he was holding off because it was bad news and he was trying to muster up the courage to call us.

good lord i’m messed up!!  haha

we just got off the phone with him, well actually my husband just got off the phone.  for some reason this time i can’t bring myself to be part of the calls.

after a little chit chat i got the “thumbs up” again.

the embryologist said that we have 5 “grade 1, gorgeous embryos”.  4 at 4 cells and 1 at 6 cells.  the sixth one isn’t doing anything and he doesn’t think it will but they are still watching it.

so there we go. another day down.  we won’t be doing a day 3 transfer. phew.

5. i’m very happy

🙂

 

1 st day post retrieval

i’m feeling very strange today.

i’m eating but i feel sick.

i’m taking tylenol but i’m still sore.

i’m sleeping but i’m tried.

i’m feeling cooped up but don’t want to do anything.

BLAH!

i’m taking that OHSS medication – whatchamacallit – i wonder if that is making me feel ill?  the pharmacist questioned why i’m taking it and why i’m taking it for so long.  you are supposed to take the medication once or twice a week and they have me taking it daily for 8 days (i’m half through them).  

i felt really bloated this evening. i weighed myself this morning and i was at 139.5.  i thought for sure i was starting to retain fluid and thought weighing myself would show any increase happening.  i got on the scale and it was 138.5. so i guess i’m actually doing okay. i mean even on a regular day i uaually gain weight as the day goes on.

we’re heading out to the movies in a little bit.  i think looking at zack efron and laughing at seth rogan for a couple of hours could be just what the doctor ordered 😉

1st fertilization report

we were just talking about the time the embryologist may call. i was going back through my posts from last IVF to see what time he typically called us and i didn’t even get to find it when the phone rang and my heart dropped into my ass hahaha

i made a joke about it being my mother haha but it ended up being “private caller”.

i made my husband answer it with no speaker phone.

i could hear the embryologist mumbling, then i got a thumbs up from my husband.

then i wanted it be on speaker phone LOL

chris asked the embryologist if he could repeat the report for me.

he asked how i was, how i was feeling and then told me of 7 eggs, 6 were mature and all 6 fertilized overnight.  FUCKING THANK GOD!!!!!  he said that they will see cell division taking place this afternoon and will report that tomorrow morning.  he said that we will be on track for an embryo transfer on sunday and hopefully we’ll have a few more at blastocyst to freeze for the future.

cue huge sense of relief.

we’ll see how things progress, obviously i know A LOT can happen between now and sunday, but i also think just in terms of odds or stats it would be highly unlikely for all of them to just stop progressing.  i’m hoping for 3 in the end. i don’t think that’s a lot to expect.

<HUGE SIGH>

so now what do i do?! hahaha  

i’m thinking pancakes (now that i don’t feel like i’m going to vomit), a little reading and a couple movies on netflix 🙂

 

random randomy stuff

– i’m in full on anxiety attack mode waiting for the call from the embryologist this morning.  i can’t remember if they usually call around 10 or 11 a.m.?

– i forgot, like TOTALLY forgot about prometrium suppositories.  it’s been so long since i had to shove something up my vag… i had gotten used to not having to do that.  so that will be fun twice a day for who knows how long hahaha.

– i got very useful information that would have been good to know YESTERDAY!  over coffee this morning i was talking to my husband about the doctor’s reaction to my number of eggs.  i questioned why they wouldn’t have been more supportive in my state of disappointment.  i said that the fact they didn’t say stuff like “7 is a fantastic number!” or “we are happy about this outcome” made me feel really worried.  he said that they were just trying to be sensitive to my feelings and not brush them off.  he told me at the end that the doctor said, “well 7 isn’t bad seeing as we were anticipating 9 from your last scan before retrieval”.  um exSQUEEZE me?! how did i not hear that!!!  how did my husband not re-use that encouraging statement in all the conversations we’ve had since the retrieval?!

having heard that, i’m a bit happier but i’m still sitting here ready to vomit waiting for the phone to ring.

– i mentioned to my husband that if this doesn’t result in good embryos to freeze or a baby after fresh transfer then i honestly think i’m done.  i said i feel like i’ve done everything i can and i tried and i’ve been strong for almost 4 years now and that not really willing to keep going with this.  he said he thinks i’m totally right, that i’ve been beyond strong and he’s so proud of me and that if this is it, he’s fine with it too.

– i’ve never had back pain like this in my life!  my ovaries are so stingy and sore. my lower back feels like it’s being ripped apart.

– i weighed myself on friday and i was 132.6. yesterday morning i was 135 and today i am 139.5.  fluid retention for sure. my face is so puffy and my eyes barely look open. i can’t wear my rings.

 

anyway, after our news today we’ll have an idea of what lies ahead (HA HA HA , ya right) and we’ll just take it one day at a time.

 

 

i’m not pessimistic

i’m realistic.

as i was emptying the dishwasher it dawned on me as to why i’m not more upset about todays egg numbers.

mainly it’s because 7 is still an okay number (albeit MUCH MUCH lower than we expected).  we could still get at least 1 good embryo and ‘one is all it takes’ (god i hate cliche saying so damn much!)  

it’s also because this is what is supposed to happen.

i put all my time and energy and emotions into TTC.  i get pregnant and then i lose it. i fail.

i’m almost just waiting for the bad news because that is the news i’m supposed to get.

seriously fucked up stuff right there folks.

fucked up.

before and after

I was really surprised when Chris saw the nurse,  got his cup and went off.  he didn’t want me. ..
this would have bothered me last cycle when I was trying to hang on to some sort of intimacy or romance.
this time, meh.  do what ya gotta do!  LOL

I’m waiting to go in and get the process started.  I’m not really nervous yet but it will kick in once I’m in a gown I’m sure.

*******************

and we’re done.   I never got nervous.

the IV was a small pinch. otherwise it was a breeze.

the retrieval was painful, the same as last time but at least I was prepared.

one of the doctors started on the left ovary.  it was quite painful.  pressure,  pinching,  aching.

they were poking and poking and nothing.  no eggs.  finally they said “1st”.

that’s when I started to lose it.

what the hell was going on?

they started asking when I triggered?  was it ovidrel?

that’s when the focus on my breathing stopped and I started coming unhinged.
I was sobbing and gasping and moaning.
they got 3 eggs from the left.

I had a follicle count of 16 (or at least thats when I stopped keeping track. ..). how was there only 3 eggs?

on the right ovary the senior dr.  took over.  they gave me more pain medication.

this side was way better.  less pressure,  less pain.  I had times where I was kind of asleep!

4 eggs from the left.  really?  when I had my scan this ovary had even more follicles than the right! !!

so 7.  I was in shock.  everyone was trying to make me feel okay about 7.  I am actually fine with 7.  I’m just worried about their maturity.

they kept telling me they were sorry and that  “one is all I need. ..”

Is that because they don’t think they are mature or because they know I thought I’d have more eggs?

sigh.  I just don’t know what to think about all this. my husband is in a way better mindset but I also know he doesn’t understand all this like I do.

the nurse was talking with the couple beside us.  the girl asked what the average number of eggs is that they like to see.  the nurse said,  “8-10”. then the girl said that she just got 16.

(cue slightly panicked feeling).

I was surprised and very happy that I felt really good afterwards. I had some apple juice,  cookies and crackers.  got up and peed no problem.  no cold sweats.  no fainting.   I was out of there by 11 am.

I just wanted to eat so we went to my friends burger joint. my eyes were definitely bigger than my stomach. I made it through 2 bits and about 3 onion rings and I was done haha although that’s probably because I ate half my husband’s poutine LOL.

we both had a nap and I’m feeling good other than some pretty sharp cramps on the left side.

Chris is staying home tomorrow morning in case the news is bad ( it was bad last time and I was home alone).

I haven’t given up but honestly I’m kind of preparing for the worst.  I’ve learned that this is not cut and dry and no matter how positive you are,  life is life and it does what IT wants not what YOU want.

pic before

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pic after

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my lunch haha

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