(i have not read this back for spelling or grammatical errors, i just don’t have the energy).
here we go:
i wanted to sleep in bed with Chris on my last night at home before baby but thanks to “insane pregnancy rash” i had to spend one last night on the couch alone.
i slept wonderfully for the first time two weeks. thanks for that body!
i woke up on my own at about 6 a.m. as soon as i sat up i heard thunderous music playing upstairs. my husband had gone online, hooked up the computer to the stereo and was pumping salt’n’pepa’s “push it” at full volume. LOL. it. was. amazing. i Instagramed a video of it of course haha.
he played a few more songs i could hear as i showered. “sweet child of mine”, “here comes the sun”. it was so nice. (he told me later when he had “here comes the sun” on he got choked up).
we had breakfast, made coffees to go and headed to the hospital for 7:30 a.m.
we arrived, registered and i was put in triage to have my 20 minute NST test. everything was normal and we were moved to our labour and delivery room.
my doctor came in and checked me. i still wasn’t dilated but my cervix had shortened and softened a bit and she was able to put a bit of a finger tip into my cervix. she put in a gel which pinched and made me crampy while she was inserting it. after it was inserted i had to stay lying down for 1 hour. it started to burn but i didn’t feel any contractions. after the hour was up we walked. all over the hospital. over and over and over. until you walk an entire hospital you don’t realize it’s not actually that big. we tried to stay off the busy levels but that was useless. we needed more space. at one point a couple stopped and said “still walking eh?!” it’s funny watching people watch you. everyone loves a baby. they look at your belly, then they make eye contact and then they smile as if to say, “good luck and congrats”.
i was checked about 4 hours after the first gel was inserted and nothing had happened. my doctor inserted a second gel and again i was crampy and it pinched and it burned but this time i started having contractions. then, again, we walked and walked and walked. we decided to time the contractions just to see what they were doing. they were consistently 2 and half minutes apart and 40 seconds long. we went back to the room to have something to drink and have a popsicle. we read magazines and watched “i love you man”. great movie haha. the doctor checked me again and by this time it was about 8 p.m. this time i was 1-2 cm dilated so she broke my water. i came out in a big gush and sprayed all over my my feet hahaha. i was told it would just keep leaking until the baby was born and it was true. it leaked and leaked and it felt very strange.
the nurse was instructed to start my pitocin I.V. she missed my vein the first attempt. god i hate that burning feeling. it really sucks. she got it on the second try and the drip was started. i started really feeling the contractions once that was started. chris sat beside me and held my hand and we chatted with the nurse between contractions. chris would let me know when one was about to start but i could feel it in my body. i’d breath and moan through it. i was doing very well but the nurse kept saying, “let me know when you want an epidural shannon. you can get one anytime”. i just kept feeling like i should put up with more. i had only be contracting hard for 2 hours. finally at 10 p.m. she reminded me that could take up to an hour to get the anesthesiologist to come put in the epidural. i finally agreed to call him to come. it was like as soon as i said yes, i broke my mental focus and the the pain of the contractions ramped up considerably. luckily it only took the anesthesiologist 20 minutes to get to my room. he was a nice, soft spoken man. he explained everything he was going to do and got started. i only felt one little sting from the freezing and then it was done. he injected the medication, i numbed up and all was good!
chris went to bed and i settled in to try and rest as well. well that lasted for may an hour and then i started to feel contractions in my back and on the top of my thighs. i held off telling the nurse about it and then finally i was like “this doesn’t seem right”. i mentioned the pain to her and she told me a lot of women had this happen because the anesthesiologist uses a stronger medication and then the top up bag is a different dose which is not as strong. she told to just keep pushing my button.
it didn’t work.
my doctor came in to check me and i was at about 4 cm. so things were clearly moving very slowly. at this point i was in a tremendous amount of pain so they called the anesthesiologist in to check my epidural. it was a new dr. who was young and very gentle and caring. he would talk to me in between contractions and would encourage me while i was in the middle of having them telling me i was doing great. very sweet. he put in some stronger medication into my exsisting line and said he’d be back in 5 minutes. he came back and nothing had changed. he put in more, warning me that i would get super numb, like paralyzed numb, and some people didn’t like that feeling, i told him to pump it in as fast as he could. he left again saying he’d be back in 5. he came back and my pain had gone from a 12 to an 8 so he assumed it was starting to work and left. my OB chatted with me and said i was at the 5 cm stage and once you hit 5 then dilation can go quickly from there. i agreed to wait it out and see if that would be the case for me instead of settling on an c-section at that point. my OB left and the nurse rolled me over and as soon as i did i started retching. there was nothing but bile in my stomach as i hadn’t eaten in over 12 hours. it was awful. the nurse told us that it was actually a good sign as most women get to the 4-5 cm stage and vomit and it’s a sign that they are going to start dilating quickly.
that was not the case for me.
20 minutes later the contractions were back with avengence. they called the anethesiologist once again. he could not believe i was feeling pain. he was dumbfounded as was my OB. at this point i was still only 4 cm and i was in so much pain i was starting cry when i felt a contraction coming on. i literally was begging the universe to not let it happen and cried out “no, no, no”. he said we could try and play around with the epidural that was already in but at this point we were looking at a possible c-section for me anyway so he might as well just put in a new line. i agreed. i was having crazy back, thigh and hip contractions. my nurse said she didn’t experience it but had heard that leg labour was the most painful labour you could have. great, yay for me hahaha. i told the dr. i was worried because the contractions were so painful i wasn’t sure i could stay still when he needed me to if i started a contraction at a crucial time while he was placing the line. sure enough he just finishes telling me not to move and a contraction starts. i stayed dead still and made the highest pitched moans. i have never heard myself make a noise like that. i heard myself make a lot of noises during labour that i’d never heard myself make before. eh, whatever gets you by. i honestly don’t know how i stayed still during that. again, just a little pinch and my second epidural was in. he pumped in the medicine. he said he’s let it work and would be back.
nothing. it didn’t work at all.
at this point they were asking me if i had scoliosis or if i’d ever had a major back injury. no one could believe that both my epidurals were not working.
i was crying and begging them to help me at this point. my OB was delivering a baby so they pulled out the laughing gas and told me to suck on this tube thing when my contractions started. i was in so much pain i couldn’t even suck in the gas. i tried so hard but i couldn’t breath and just couldn’t control my breathing. i continued to beg them to help me.
of course all this is happening and it’s shift change time. my awesome nurse julie was leaving me and i didn’t want her to go. she was so lovely and calm during the whole process and i just wanted her to stay with me. i heard her telling the new nurse that i was in a lot of pain now but i was a sweetheart and had been a trooper all night.
my dr. came in at about 7:30 a.m. and made the decision to bump her 8 o’clock scheduled c-section and get me in.
this is when shit really hit the fan.
another new anesthesiologist came in at this point and was trying to explain the spinal block to me. i didn’t give a shit. i just wanted her to take my pain away asap! she just kept talking and talking and talking and i just gave up. i couldn’t try to listen to her anymore. my new nurse was holding my hand as they chris getting suited up for the O.R. i put most of my squeezing into the bed rail instead of her hand. i honestly thought i was going break the rail off. again, i was making noises that were so primal i was shocking myself. i was very proud though. i did not swear once and i never got up set with my husband. the worst i said was “oh my god” then in my pain ridden daze i somehow thought that may be offensive to someone in the room and starting saying “oh my goodness”. wft?! hahaha
i said good bye to chris and was wheeled into the O.R. the first thing they asked me to do was move myself from my hospital bed the operating table. i was basically in rigor mortise i was in so much pain and they wanted me to more myself?! i did it, very slowly and painfully. once i was there they realized that i had on a very small bra type top that had to come off. the nurse told me to remove by myself. WTF!?! i was begging them to just cut it off me but they wouldn’t she just told me to take it off. i got off half way, so it was still around my right arm and she told me that was good enough. then i had to lie on my side for a spinal block. i still had my epidural in so they had to remove it and take off the big band aid dressing they put on keep it in place. it hurts when the peel it off. it was the second time i was having one removed and the nurse was not taking it off gently. i was fine with that, the issue was i was having a contraction while she was taking it off. i started to saying, “ouch, ouch, ouch” and blurted out “i have to take it off!”. i manage to growl out “i know, i’m having a contaction!”. then the dr. put in a spinal block. i had to stay completely still and again i have no idea how i did it. at this point my OB was in front of me holding my hands and telling me i was doing great. i didn’t feel any pain just some electric shock type sensations. they told me it would start to work in a couple of minutes. meanwhile the nurse told me to roll onto my back and straighten out my legs. except i was in so much pain i could barely get my legs straight. it didn’t help my right leg was stuck in my catheter tube and no one noticed. she kept telling me to straighten my legs and all i could manage was “the tube, the tube”. finally someone noticed what was going on and helped me. then i couldn’t get my left leg straight because the blanket or sheet was all bundled up. again someone finally noticed and helped me. all the while the nurse by my head was just being a total cunt. i do not like this word and do not use it lightly but she was a cunt. as they were putting up the sheet barrier i could feel them washing my stomach with iodine. it was scratchy and wet and cold. i told her i could feel it and she told me, “ya, you can feel stuff, it’s fine”. i knew something wasn’t right. i was also still having insane contractions. i told her this and she said “i don’t get it, what are you feeling?”. at this point i was so fed up with this women i basically yelled at her that it felt like i was being burned alive from in the inside out. they reassured me i’d start to feel numb any second. my doctor pinches her patients with tweezers to see if they are frozen. she pinched me once and i thought she was starting to cut as i felt it full on and i yelled and flew up off the table. everyone was in shock. my spinal did not work either.
the decision was made to put me out for the procedure. there was no other choice. they were explaining this and that chris couldn’t be in the room but i already knew all this. i was in so much pain i was just saying “put me under, yes, fine i get it, help me, put me under now”. they had me breath deeply with a mask on my face and the cunt told me i’d feel two big burns in my hand, which i did and then i was out.
i woke up and the pain was going. chris walked around the corner and our baby girl was on his chest. he had the biggest smile on his face. all i could see was a little wet head with a little bit of matted dark hair and i was in love already. he put our baby girl on my chest and she was folded up in a ball and had her fingers AND her toes in her mouth at the same time! hahaha she pulled her hand out of her mouth and i gave her my finger and squeezed on to me and i just felt this instant bond that could never be broken.
i was moved to my hospital room and my nurse checked my fundus height. this was not as painful as i thought it would be. she said a couple of times that my uterus was really high up and she was very surprised by it but i didn’t know what to say to that. she took my baby girl and showed me how to do the football hold for nursing. baby girl latched right away and knew just what to do. it was amazing.
my mom and chris’ parents arrived at 12:30 p.m. and met their newest granddaughter. chris’ parents left after about an hour as his mom is a math tutor and had students coming to her house. my mom stay for the rest of the day.
a nurse came in the night and bathed our girl for the first time. she warned us that the babies don’t like this scream bloody murder but that she is okay. as soon as the water hit her head, she fell asleep! she loved it.
my OB came in the next morning and let me know that i had bled out a litre of blood in less than two minutes and i really scared her for a minute (for the rest of my time in the maternity ward i heard myself referenced to as the “c-section hemorrhage”. lovely. we were waiting on the results of my hemoglobin blood test to see if i would need a blood transfusion. she explained a normal persons count would be 120. going into the surgery i was 107. normal for a pregnant woman to be a bit lower. she would let the numbers go as low as 80 before a transfusion for a normal person and for a pregnant women she will go as low as 70. mine came back at 76. no transfusion for me.
she also told me that for no reason that she could tell i have an over sized uterus. normally when she has you open during the c-section she will tilt the uterus forward and check the fallopian tubes an ovaries (although i don’t have tubes) but she couldn’t do that with me because my uterus was just too big. also she said that normally once the uterus starts to contract down to normal size it should be two finger lengths below the belly button once she has sewn you back up and when she finished with me, mine was still a whole palm width ABOVE my belly button.
i’m a special case in so many ways, lucky me! hahaha
so there you have it. my birth story. i didn’t have a birth plan and i didn’t think about the labour process to much as i didn’t want to get myself all freaked out but i could have never in million years predicted that that is what my first labour would be like.
i will say this though. we have been through some hell to finally get out baby. 2 ectopic pregnancies, a blighted ovum, a failed FET, a dermoid cyst, OHSS, 4 surgeries in just over 3 years, a rough pregnancy and a labour from hell but in the end we were rewarded with a dream baby. she is amazing. if there was a manual for the ideal baby she would be hitting all the marks. she feeds great, she sleeps well, she is easily calmed and easy going.
we have finally left the nightmare behind us and we are finally living the dream.