still have a few days….

i will meet my blogging goal. i will god damn it!

in the meantime, maeve was an absolute CHAMP today when she got her ears pierced xoxo



getting back to using this blog as i intended to

we’ve been gone for 2 weeks on a road trip through michigan, indiana, illinois and wisconsin.  we spent most of the trip in michigan and wisconsin.  we spent 2 days in illinois in chicago specifically and we actually only briefly drove through part of indiana (we never even stepped foot on the ground hahaha).

i want to post about all the things we did on our vacation.

i want to post about how maeve is growing up, so much and so fast.

i want to post about my trip to the rheumologist today and what we’re doing to try and diagnose the pain i’ve been having in the lower parts of my body.

i am not sure how many of you really care about my life hahaha but i want to use this blog to record the things that are happening, how i feel about them and what i plan to do next.

in the next week i am making a goal of posting about all the topics i listed above.

i hope i don’t let myself down.


who knew feet could make you so proud?!

little pigeon (my nickname for maeve) was laying in my lap just before bed last night and we were having a little chat. she was kicking her feet, using my boobs like punching bags like always (ouch!), when all of a sudden she looked down and deliberately reached out and grabbed her foot!

i didn’t know it was possible to feel so proud hahaha i think i was just so happy to have seen her “very first time” right there, up close and personal style.

at first i didn’t want my newborn to ever get big and grow up and now i just love watching her grow and learn.  i look forward to every little new thing she does and am excited for them to all happen in her due time.

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so many things

no time! i lay in bed at the end of the day and think about the blog posts i could do. i write them in my head and get really mad that i’m too tired to get up and actually write them.  then i wake up and i totally forget everything. ahaha so here is just a random grouping of “stuff” that is going on right now.

we just got back from a mini vacation in niagara falls.  we drove there on wednesday afternoon and got back yesterday at 5 p.m.  we went to celebrate my MIL’s 60th birthday and it was the first time we all got together for a trip away – my SIL, BIL and our 3 neices, MIL and FIL and our little family.  i got thinking about it and we have never all gone away together as a family before and my husband and i have been together for 9 YEARS!  it was really nice.  it’s great to just tag along and be part of the fun and not have to be “in charge”.  i feel like if you have too many expectations when it comes to going on a trip like this you will just be discouraged and disappointed so i like making a point of not having any.

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now we’re getting ready to head out again on the 13th for our road trip to milwaukee and chicago.  we’ll be gone for about 2 weeks.  i was worried about maeve and all the driving but in just a couple short weeks she is over her crying in the car seat and actually sits and plays around.  she has started to show interest in lots of things now that just last week she had no patience for.  yesterday she was looking at her car seat toys and actually reaching out to touch them.  she will sit and “talk” and smile with me.  she loves being sung to!  it’s amazing.  she makes eye contact the whole time and smiles and smiles.  i also did my first “boob dangle”.  yes, me, the head of the “itty bitty comity” got my boob in baby’s mouth while she was still in the car seat! ahhahaha  i will obviously bring my pump on the trip but just knowing that i can keep her happy in the seat without having to stop every half hour is amazing.

i am in SO MUCH PAIN in my feet, legs, knees, hips and lower back.  i have been seeing a chiropractor/message therapist and it’s nice but it’s not showing much results. i finally went to my dr. and she agreed that what i’m going through is not normal at all. so now i am waiting on results of my blood test for inflammation, protein, iron, thyroid and rheumatoid arthritis. i don’t want any of these things to be wrong with me but i kind of just want something to come back so i can know what’s wrong and start to fix it.  i feel like i’m 80 and makes me insane. i hobble out of bed. i can’t get up off the floor if i’m holding maeve. i have to do like 4 different steps just to get myself up and then get her up too.  i can’t even get into the details… it’s impossible to describe.  i forgot to mention my problem with painful sex but i recently found a post about it and got some insight from a fellow blogger as well so i at least have a couple of names i can put on it the next time i see my dr.

we are STILL RENOVATING THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM. it’s getting so close but there are still so many things to do. not to mention all the “other stuff” that needs to get done around here.  putting a ceiling fan in maeve’s room, getting the edging installed in the gardens, getting soil and mulch, cleaning the windows, cleaning out the garage gutters, tidying the gardens, packing for the trip…. and what does my husband do… he tells his sister it’s “no problem” for him to go to her house BEFORE or trip (5 days from now) and take down her chimney stack on the roof.  cue STEAMING FUCKING ANGER.  like i can’t even look at him right now i am so mad about this.  it’s not that he’s helping her, it’s not that at all. it’s that we have so many things we need to get done and he just keeps putting it all off for another day. then it means that he’s gone a full day, like into then night full day, and i will be alone to look after maeve.  yes, i am alone looking after her most days but after 7 p.m. i need some help. i need a break. i need him here.  then he has the gull to say we never do anything to help his sister.  HE never does anything to help her.  i on the other hand have done her pregnancy, newborn, birthday and christmas pictures for all her kids for years and have never asked a favour from her (nor have we ever had and offer from her to help out with anything we have on our plates). i know i’m tired and i am overwhelmed about all the stuff we have to get done and then preparing for this big trip so i am probably reacting differently then i would if we didn’t have anything going on but why doesn’t he think about all this? i wouldn’t have made plans like this without thinking of him and our needs first but he can just do ahead and say yes to anything. oh and i am pretty sure he offered us (me) to baby sit all of our nieces sometime soon while his sis and BIL go to an event.  HE will be doing that.  i will be at home.

bitchfest over.

now on a way more positive note – it’s been a year and 3 days since this happened!

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august 5th, 2014. our sweet baby maeve was right there! our dream come true. the light of our lives.  my purest joy.

i think about where i’d be if i had given up and been too afraid to try just one more time.  it’s a very scary thought for me. i think about the phrase “remember why you started” and it is truly what kept me moving forward and got me to my FET after all we’d been through.

so, for everyone still on their TTC/IVF journey – REMEMBER WHY YOU STARTED – don’t give up on your hope. xoxoxxoxo

painful intercourse

yep.  i went there. 

this is an issue I’ve been dealing with since 3 weeks postpartum.  I’ve just been”waiting for it to go away” but at 14 weeks postpartum now,  i knew there was a problem.

thanks, postpartum strong, for putting a name to this issue and helping me discuss it with my doctor.

“Is Painful Intercourse Normal After Having a Baby?” –