keeping going friends. you CAN do it!!!

keeping going friends. you CAN do it!!!

i’m just in tears with this story.  watch the video near the end of the page.

keeping going friends.  determination, optimism, perseverance.  you CAN do it!!!



1975 – 2013


don’t feel awkward when i casually speak about the pregnancies i’ve lost. i’m not sad. i’m not trying to bring you down. it’s a part of my life and just as you would talk about a life event and use your experiences to contribute to conversation, so can i. it’s not 1950. shitty things happen and i don’t have to repress it and forget it. i can talk about it and know that it happened and still live my life and be happy

my mother lost twins girls in march of 1975.  they were 7 months gestation and didn’t not have the chance to survive.  up until the day she went into labour early, she did not know she was having twins.  the hospital in our small town did not have an ultrasound machine.

she was sent to Toronto for a scan and the dr. just pushed on her belly (which she remembers to have been very painful) and she was told she was a very small woman, carrying a very large baby.

the night she went into labour the dr. said “well what has happened is the one baby’s sac has ruptured”.  my parent’s were shocked.  they were even more shocked when their dr. then said, “my son has a hockey game, i’ll be back in a couple of hours”.

my mom gave birth to two live baby girls.  sharon and karen.  they lived for a day and a day and a half.

when my parent’s left they were told, “go home and put all of this behind you.  we’ll see you back here in 6 months with your next pregnancy”.  

my father had to drive back to Toronto a couple of days later to pick up two little white coffins and drive two hours north back home with them in the back seat of his car.

they had no one to talk to.  my mother felt she couldn’t even talk to her own mother or her sisters.  she felt she had no options. it was a time when you did not speak of these things. she was in a new small town with no friends.  she told me she walked around in a haze with a lump in her throat for over a year. 

i sob when i think of this.  my mother is the strongest person i have ever known.

i know i get all my fight, will and strength from her.

i am fine with what has happened to me. i finally have come back to a sense of peacefulness again.  we will have a family and i am okay with the wait now.

i wish with all my life i could go back and make everything okay for my mom.  i wish i could have been there for her to have someone to talk to.

talk about your struggles ladies. even if you may make someone uncomfortable for a moment.  talk about your life and losses.  it’s real. it has happened. it has happened to millions of people.  women and men alike.  it’s not something to be ashamed of or something to repress and forget.  

be strong.



it’s our 3rd wedding anniversary 🙂

one hell of a ride so far and i can confidently say i know way more about trust, understanding, love, commitment, loyalty and friendship than most couples married for only 3 years.

there are days i get annoyed with little things he does.  i’m not too pleased that he’s gained 20 lbs (and in all that i’ve been through i’ve made a very conscientious effort to keep myself the way i’ve always been for him). he leaves his receipts piled up at the back door shelf and it’s like pulling teeth to get him to go get a haircut when he needs one, but this man of mine is the strength in my soul, the skip in my step, the ache in my heart and i couldn’t do life without him.

we decided to stick to the traditional wedding gift list as our anniversaries go on.

so far we did year 1 PAPER – i gave him a couple of books on making maple syrup (a hobby he’s really become passionate about.  we got 3 litres from the tree out front this year!)  he gave me  – an itemized note pad for getting groceries hahaha, tina fey’s “bossy pants”, a book of love poems by pablo neruda.

year 2 COTTON – i gave him a handmade (not by me – LOL) union jack pillow cover for a throw pillow on his leather chair (stuffed with cotton –  of course) and he gave me – a mini bottle of grey goose vodka, cranberry juice, 4 crystal martini glasses and a bag of pink cotton candy – “cotton” candy martinis!

year 3 LEATHER – i gave him a 3 inch pocket blade with a partial serrated edge and a leather sheath cover to hold it.  he gave me – Canadian, handmade grey suede leather moccasins with beading and trimmed with rabbit fur.

next year is fruit/flowers… hmm that one’s not so fun.  we have a yard FULL of gardens and no room for any fruit trees.  it’s a good thing i have a whole year to get creative! oh wait – i could make WINE!

Traditional Wedding Gifts
1st Anniversary – Paper
2nd Anniversary – Cotton
3rd Anniversary – Leather
4th Anniversary – Fruit, Flowers
5th Anniversary – Wood
6th Anniversary – Candy, Iron
7th Anniversary – Wool, Copper
8th Anniversary – Bronze, Pottery
9th Anniversary – Pottery, Willow
10th Anniversary – Tin, Aluminum
11th Anniversary – Steel
12th Anniversary – Silk
13th Anniversary – Lace
14th Anniversary – Ivory
15th Anniversary – Crystal
20th Anniversary – China
25th Anniversary – Silver
30th Anniversary – Pearl
35th Anniversary – Coral
40th Anniversary – Ruby
45th Anniversary – Sapphire
50th Anniversary – Gold
55th Anniversary – Emerald
60th Anniversary – Diamond
75th Anniversary – Diamonds, Gold