wakeboards and house keys

my girlfriend competed at wakestock today in the novice division.  she did great and got second 🙂 it was so cool seeing all these little kids get out there and ride.  fearless i tell ya!!

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i had a few daydream moments when i envisioned myself being there watching our little dude or dudette our on the water xox

i remember going to this event and just getting HAMMERED drunk and partying the nights away… oh man how times have changed hahaha

we got the keys to our new house today 🙂  

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a little more work than we thought in the kitchen cleaning and rug cleaning departments but really we just lucked out so hard on this place. it’s otherwise immaculate!  we have a showing tomorrow night but we still update the kijiji ad tonight with new pics now that all the previous owner’s stuff is out.   we knew the previous owner was pregnant with her second child but we didn’t know how far along.  turns out she had her son last night! i can’t imagine packing up that whole house being 9 months pregnant in the summer heat.  i hope she had lots of help with that!  

maybe there was some good luck baby vibes lingering in the house and i unknowingly soaked them in all evening LOL.

i have been pretty good keeping the same cool i had on transfer day.  time is passing so much easier this time than it has on any other part of our IVF journey.  i will admit though, it’s pretty much impossible not to get kind of excited.  everyday that passes i find myself falling more and more in love with the idea of this finally working.

i’m a flat out liar and i have been thinking of symptoms even though i said i wouldn’t.  i still have all the symptoms from before the transfer but last night and this morning i felt queasy after i ate.  i had cramps all night and into this morning.  my boobs don’t hurt as much which is the sign that always freaks me out… but i remind myself that one comes and goes even in full on pregnancy.  i have a mild headache tonight but i also spent all day in the sun and cleaned all evening and my last one is my tongue feels funny.  it tingles and feels, well, just strange!

the thing i love about the 5 day blast transfer,  the wait is only 9 days 🙂  

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flakey

that’s our real estate agent.

she never used to be but that was before she had a baby… at 47!  ya. she’s got a 19 year old, a 17 year old and 15 year old and now a 18 month old baby, well toddler now.  she thought she was going through menopause and found out she was 5 months pregnant.

life is cruel! hahaha

anyhoo, she blew us off for viewings last saturday. then messaged us 9:00 p.m. last night let us know we had no viewings booked for this morning…(we thought we had 4 or 5 to see)  a little frustrating seeing as we’ve had this booked with her since last friday.

so, as of today we’ve switch real estate agents. we ended our relationship with our agent nicely but there were a few things i would have liked to mention to her. the new agent is local, he’s the son in law of my parent’s friends.  he already gotten some of the new houses we’ve found booked to view on friday.

in the meantime we’ve lost out on 5 houses which have sold since last thursday…

oh well, it could always be worse… she could have had TWINS! LOL

back to work, back to keeping busy

today was my first day back to work.  5:45 alarm wasn’t as bad as i thought it would be but i still snoozed 3 times hehehe.

it’s good to be back to work.  we’re planning our quarterly (and end of year) parent meeting/fun night for thursday so that will be very time consuming this week.  we will be making fishing rods out of sticks and “catching” fish with magnets, making kites, having a water balloon toss, playing with the giant parachute.  we’re going to try our first attempt at “cloud dough” and we’re going to dye it with jello packs.  we’re going decorate cupcakes and have a scavenger hunt.  all this in a two hour time span but what i’ve learned (or been reminded of) working in child care – kids can do A LOT in short amount time! haha  little buggers 😉  thank goodness for PINTEREST!!!

i have 2 weeks of work and then it’s summer vacation.  i feel so weird about this.  i am sure my husband will love to continue to not have to do any housework and i know he loves having dinner looked after every night.  i just feel weird that i won’t be working and he’s still got to get up on a beautiful, sunny day and go sit in a windowless office all day.  i feel kind of guilty that he allows me to have a carefree job and make less money doing it and he doesn’t resent it…  to be honest, i am sure if the shoe was on the other foot i would probably be pretty jealous.  he has talked about shifting gears and taking a new career path someday so i hope i will be able to look back on these days that he’s giving me and support him as thoroughly as he has supported me.

we’re also on with other life projects and we’re getting back into the real estate game!  we’ve shifted gears and are now looking at newer homes with less renovations to have as a income property.  we have 5 to look at on wednesday.  nothing keeps your mind busy like checking out houses!  

i think that acquiring a rental property will really help to give these last few years a different meaning.  no, we don’t have children yet and the pain of that is still very real but it means we are able to make a great investment towards our future.  we are in the position to achieve something most 31 year olds can’t – owning TWO homes.  i haven’t believed in this saying for a while now but we’re going to try and make “everything happens for a reason” work for us.

second chances

first i just want to say, (more like shout it out from the freakin’ roof top),  – I’M DONE MY BIRTH CONTROL PILLS!  –

i wanted to ceremoniously burn the rest of the pack but then i thought of the effort involved in getting the wood out of the shed and paper from recycling bin and then there’s the smoke smell and i just washed my hair…. so needless to say, i didn’t do that.  BUT i did take a pic to remember i survived it and then said sayonara suckers!

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then i remembered that this period could be the last period i have for MONTHS and i got butterflies in my stomach.

then i got busy sorting out my drug paraphernalia.  needle tips and syringes.  i have the puregon pen in the fridge but then there is the luveris and all the crap that goes along with that so i decided to use my fanciest jar to make them as pretty as possible

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so purdy.

now we wait.  great.

on a completely unrelated topic.  a house we tried to buy in the fall, let’s call it “little blue”, is back on the market.  they wanted $139,000 and we offered $90,000 (it’s a one bedroom dump and the only value in the thing is the property).  needless to say we didn’t get it and it sold a couple of weeks later for $125,000.

we’re not quite sure why it’s back up for sale yet but have come up with a few scenarios.  we’ll hear from our real estate agent soon and we’ll see if any of our ideas are correct.  anyway, it’s back on the market and listed for $10,000 less than the first time is was up for sale ($129,000).  we have done A LOT of number crunching (well actually my husband did a lot haha) and we think we’ll put in another offer.  this time we’ll beef it up a bit to a least $115,000 to start.  we have a couple of different ideas on what to do – fix up right away and rent for more $$$ or rent to friends for less $$$ and hold off on the renos for a bit.  we have a skype chat with our friends tomorrow night to run our ideas by them.  once we see what they think we’ll have a more definite idea of what direction to take.

you know, once you have a miscarriage, it’s hard to use and hear the saying, “everything happens for a reason”.  let me tell you, i have definitely had a love/hate relationship with that phrase!

i do believe in second chances though so just like IVF, we’ll give it another try.

the offer is off the table

no worries.

we lowed balled big time!  the place is just not worth what they are asking.

the offer was a feeler as to how desperate they may have been to get rid of it.  i mean, it only had a week long listing and a deadline for offers.

we take our offer off the table and who knows, we were the only offer, in a few weeks they could come back and want to talk?!

it was a cool chance at the right time but nothing life shattering.

we know what we’re approved for in terms of a bank loan and it opened up dialogue about a venture like this and we know what we want, what we’re willing to do to get it and how we both feel about the process.

this is not a loss to me, it’s a complete gain.

the offer is on the table

so, we submitted our offer and it’s the only one.

it’s $40,000 less than asking (we decided to in with $90,000 instead of $85,000).

they have 48 hours to get back. agent thinks we’ll hear back sometime tomorrow.

how badly do they want to be rid of this little lop-sided house?

we’ll find out very soon.

“we love you, for you”.

life changes quickly once you’re no longer pregnant.

i am back to my “normal” self and feeling great.

i don’t want to get pregnant right away actually (well, at this moment i don’t).

i love feeling lovely, pretty, confident and dreamy when i am pregnant but i love feeling strong, independent, free when i am not pregnant.

every loss is devastating. i think i won’t be able to go on. i have thoughts of suicide. (this is not a joke, or being said lightly for dramatic effect).
i am sad. i give in completely to it. i let all my being be taken by the sadness.

time goes on and i start to see the light again. happiness returns to me. it usually manifests itself as an epic baking session ending with a gourmet dinner made for my husband. it can be an all day cleaning session, including wiping the baseboards and dusting the walls or an all day errand running marathon with timing and driving routes working out so well there’s no way you couldn’t possibly cover as much ground as successfully as me.

this time my back to “normal” self is motivated to be me for a while. year one i was excited. year two i was sad and confused. year three i was bitter and angry. all the years of giving up a lot of things for a family has grown tiresome. i think now that we have gotten through the roadblock and our embryos are waiting for us, the pressure is finally off.
we can do this whenever we want. i’m 30 (poor hubs, 31 already hahaha).

i am joining crossfit. i am going to fucking give it all i got while i can. i am back down to my lighter 132 lbs and am at an awesome point to workout like hell. i will see results. i know i will. something i’ve always wanted to do and i’m going for it.

we can’t control our future but we can plan for it. all this time i was focusing on children being our only future but maybe real estate has a place as well?

we want an income property.  we’re bidding on this place on tuesday. listed for $139, 000. the house has no value. the floor is rotten and the only reason we’re bidding at all is because the hubs can do this kind of work. i help out and then i get to decorate it afterwards 🙂
we’re only bidding $85,000. one shot. that’s it. we get it, it was perfect timing, we don’t, we keep on looking.  if this actually happens then we really need to get brushed up on some tenant/landlord laws… eeek!

i am not going to let my infertility rule my life for a while. i will have hard days. there will be plenty of days that i cry but it’s got to be about me now.

i actually had a friend that said something so great to me when we lost the this pregnancy. it was so wonderful and refreshing because it wasn’t the typical – “you can try again”, “it will happen”, “it wasn’t meant to be”.

she said, “shams, i am so sorry. i know how hard this is for you and i wish i could fix it. but we don’t love you for your ability to make babies, we love you for you”.